We're not leaving until Mama's in a home

From what I read this is more common than we would like to think. The largest group of aging people in the history of the world is crashing into the health care system. We will have to come up with creative solutions for keeping people at home while giving assistance to the people they live with. A nursing home is not appropriate in every situation. Insurance could be more flexible in providing home care assistants and adult day care. A nursing home is NOT a cheap solution. I am afraid this situation will get worse before it gets better. Thank you for shining a light on this troubling and tragic "new reality" for seniors.

Don't be too quick to judge her, Flare. Walk a mile in her shoes first. You might have permanent frown lines, too.Yeah, I know she used the ER inappropriately and had an unrealistic view of the whole matter. But she was likely at her wit's end and sees no end in sight. I fear for the safety of the mother, though. You probably should call APS into the matter.

I work in LTC. Twice I've had people call late, both on a Friday night, and inform us they were dropping their mother off now because they couldn't take care of her anymore. The supervisor had to explain that you can't just do that. I'm not sure what she did after that, but I was shocked that people thought they could just drop their parents off like that. Like it was a hotel with empty rooms with people just sitting around waiting to take care of whoever dropped by. But taking care of a parent at home has got to be so stressful, especially if there's no support or anything.

Quote from DizzyLizzyNurseI work in LTC. Twice I've had people call late, both on a Friday night, and inform us they were dropping their mother off now because they couldn't take care of her anymore. The supervisor had to explain that you can't just do that. I'm not sure what she did after that, but I was shocked that people thought they could just drop their parents off like that. Like it was a hotel with empty rooms with people just sitting around waiting to take care of whoever dropped by. But taking care of a parent at home has got to be so stressful, especially if there's no support or anything.

Certainly not judging the daughter. I've been in the role of full time care giver and I know how taxing it can be. That is why I didn't want to just grab a wheelchair and show the patient to the door. That is why I tried to find out of any possibility of admitting the lady, even as a observation. Please bear in mind, I was still orienting as an ADN at the time. I actually have run into the same situation in the 9 months since I started this per diem job, I am aware of more resources now and can offer better solutions.

Quote from Kooky KorkyDon't be too quick to judge her, Flare. Walk a mile in her shoes first. You might have permanent frown lines, too.Yeah, I know she used the ER inappropriately and had an unrealistic view of the whole matter. But she was likely at her wit's end and sees no end in sight. I fear for the safety of the mother, though. You probably should call APS into the matter.

I feel for the daughter, having been in similar shoes a year and a half ago. When my mom and I finally got my brother to the ER after 5 years of not leaving the house, we were not about to take him home again. It was, to us, a lucky break that he would get in the car and go to the hospital after 5 very frustrating years of trying to get him help.Fortunately, the ER was able to help us. I am glad that you now have more information to deal a situation like this.

Quote from enchantmentdisRight, for instance my mother in law who lives with us has dementia and is a complete burden. Was diagnosed twelve years ago, but walks, speaks a few words, feeds herself, won't allow bathing, and is only occasionally incontinent. My husband cannot work outside of the home because he babysits his mom all day. He cannot leave the home because she will walk out the front door and fall outside. I am the only breadwinner. At some pointshe will have to go elsewhere. The money for ALFs and nursing homes is all spent and a house was sold to keep her in an ALF for 2 years. She has been in my home for 3 years. Her decline is ridiculously slow. She could outlive the both of us, lol. We are bored to death and we can't do anything without his mother.

Quote from enchantmentdisRight, for instance my mother in law who lives with us has dementia and is a complete burden. Was diagnosed twelve years ago, but walks, speaks a few words, feeds herself, won't allow bathing, and is only occasionally incontinent. My husband cannot work outside of the home because he babysits his mom all day. He cannot leave the home because she will walk out the front door and fall outside. I am the only breadwinner. At some pointshe will have to go elsewhere. The money for ALFs and nursing homes is all spent and a house was sold to keep her in an ALF for 2 years. She has been in my home for 3 years. Her decline is ridiculously slow. She could outlive the both of us, lol. We are bored to death and we can't do anything without his mother.

Quote from chucksterIn earlier times, it was common for the extended family to pitch in to help in cases like this. While this is still the case in some industrialized countries (Japan and Greece for example), the US has evolved well beyond such borderline communist practices. In most other industrialized countries, there is usually a fairly robust social safety net that offers substantial resources to families to help care for aging relatives. Of course, this means that means that these are socialist countries, where the population lives under the crushing burden of high taxes. Here in the US, we reject such an unfair redistribution of income and everyone in the country is gloriously free to spend all of their assets on health care.

Quote from MulanSo what would be the alternative in a case like yours?Her money is spent, so she can't pay for care.If she had no family to take care of her, where would she go?

Quote from enchantmentdisRight, for instance my mother in law who lives with us has dementia and is a complete burden. Was diagnosed twelve years ago, but walks, speaks a few words, feeds herself, won't allow bathing, and is only occasionally incontinent. My husband cannot work outside of the home because he babysits his mom all day. He cannot leave the home because she will walk out the front door and fall outside. I am the only breadwinner. At some pointshe will have to go elsewhere. The money for ALFs and nursing homes is all spent and a house was sold to keep her in an ALF for 2 years. She has been in my home for 3 years. Her decline is ridiculously slow. She could outlive the both of us, lol. We are bored to death and we can't do anything without his mother.