Sad...

2 I do not know if this is the right place to ask about this but I will try anyway. A classmate of my 4 year old daughter and her mother were murdered. It is such a sad situation and just thinking about it makes me wanna cry. Everytime the news comes on and my daughter sees the picture of her classmate she asks when the child will be coming back to camp for the summer. I told her the child will not be back at camp and that just made her ask even more questions about her. How do you explain death to a 4 year old in a way that they can understand? My daughter keeps asking questions because she was very close to the child and I don't want to ignore her or change the subject.
Aww, I'm sorry. It's tough explaining death to young children.What kind of questions is she asking? I would keep the answers very brief and simple. Many kids this age hear of death and think they may be next and you as well if the mom was murdered.

Quote from tokmomAww, I'm sorry. It's tough explaining death to young children.What kind of questions is she asking? I would keep the answers very brief and simple. Many kids this age hear of death and think they may be next and you as well if the mom was murdered.

Seek professional help. Just as you are a trained expert, there are trained experts out there that can help you navigate this terrible time. So sorry for them and all their loved ones. May God bless you in this difficult time.

Wow. I'm so sorry this has touched you and your childs' lives. Agree with keeping the answers short, and reassuring her that this isn't something that will happen to her. As far as explaining death, avoid things like 'going to sleep', or other terms that can make any part of her life scary. If you believe in God, you could use that in your explanations, since kids can be comforted by the idea of God if that's been part of their life. About why this little girl won't be at camp, maybe tell her that sometimes really sad things happen to little kids, and they can't be here anymore, but in a way that isn't frightening. Best of wishes as you work through this with your daughter.When I was 14, my skating coach's husband murdered their 6 kids; I knew the oldest one a little- enough to say hi to, and that was hard- even when I was old enough to know what had happened. The biggest mistake made in helping me deal with it was to tell me it had nothing to do with me. A 4 year old will accept more simple answers.

I took a death education class in college and learned that yes it is hard to explain death to a child the best thing to do it to get a children book about dying/death and read it to her

I agree with the short simple answers. A book about death for children is a really good idea.

I too agree with brief answers, but I always make a point to tell the truth. I wouldn't lie about what happened, but it is difficult for me to give advice because every child handles things differently.

I'm so sorry for you and your daughters loss. I find that short, simple, and HONEST answers work best. My experience has been that children handle death much better than adults. I don't know your thoughts on the afterlife, but I'll give you my experience. When my first DH died instantly (MVA) my 5 y/o told everyone to quit crying because his daddy was in heaven w/ Jesus and his daddy was happy. There are several good books on talking to kids about death and therapists as well. Many SW work on a sliding scale for these services. I will lift you up in prayer and sending big hugs.

a 5yo at the funeral of her grandmother got frightened when the casket was closed. she wanted to know how she would breathe. I told her she didn't need to breathe anymore. She wanted to know why her grandmother didn't wake up and why she was cold. I explained that her body was just a shell, and she didn't need it anymore. I could see the little wheels in her head turning as she repeated "just a shell" I'm pretty sure she was imagining an eggshell! She believed in heaven and Jesus so I said her soul, which was everthing she loved about her grandmother was in heaven with Jesus and he must have needed her to help him. she seemed ok with that answer. But, I wonder if I left her more confused than she started.

We had taken a terminally ill foster child (a severely handicapped infant) when our kids were small. After she died, we debated about letting our three-year-old son see her at the funeral home. We talked to him about heaven and told him that she wasn't sick any more. She had a new body and was happy and healthy.We took him forward to see her before people started coming and held our breaths as he stared at her in the tiny casket and touched her hand. He looked up at me and said, "This isn't our Rosie. This Rosie is empty." I still get tears in my eyes when I think of it.Sometimes the young ones surprise us. If you believe in heaven, you have good things to share with your daughter. Her friend and the mom are there and safe and she will see her again someday when she is all grown up.Prayers for both of you and for the family.

wow...kids are amazing.

Firstly, young children do not see death in the same way as us. They see it more as an abstract concept. They don't always understand that death is the final ending.It is a very hard and extremely sad situation you face. When my niece saw a dead animal when she was small, I explained that we don't all live forever. She was being raised religious so I put it in the context of her religion. I said only her God (Jehovah) knew the number of days we would live. I also explained I was not religious and believed that when we die, we do not go to a heaven, we just become part of the plants and trees in the ground. I told her people die in many different ways, but of course did not go into gory details. It gave her a lot to think about, but she grasped the concept and seemed OK with it. If ur religious you can use that concept to explain death. If ur not, I wouldn't use religious terms, I think telling children simply that we all die sooner or later and using black and white terms helps, in an appropriate way of course.Think about grief counselling if she is still confused and has questions. A counsellor is not close to the persons who died as you or your daughter were, and can analyse the situation in a more empathetic and diplomatic way.