Crashing and Burning

1 I'll try to be as concise as I can.
I've been an LPN for 4 and a half years now. I've always worked in acute care, and enjoy it a lot. I also have aspergers and depression. I'm high functioning enough to pass for a "quirky normal" but the social environment around nursing is difficult. I was bullied off my old ward, but for the last 1.5 years have been on a surgical ward thats been pretty good. I was bullied a bit, but managed to stand up for myself and get mostly left alone. I have also told coworkers about my aspergers a few months ago to try and explain why I'm so socially awkward around them. I inevitably put my foot in it at least once a day
Things are also hard at home. My husband suffers from severe clinical depression and coming home to it every day is really wearing me down. To boot, he has been unable to hold a job for the last 2 years, getting fired from the 4 jobs he has held in this period for being unable to cope mentally. Just trying to keep him going is more work than any of my patients. I would leave, but he is also very loving and an excellent partner. I love him more than anyone I've ever been with and being an aspie it's hard to find anyone!
To boot, my wo younger brothers who are worse aspies than me are both killing theselves with drug and alcohol addiction. I have tried to check out of that whole situation entirely, as I can only take on so much at once but my mom is a wreck.
I was on effexor for 7 years, but felt so awfully tired I started to wonder if it was sedating me and switched to 10mg of prozac.
I'm starting to get worried about myself at work. I'm stressed, exhausted, and scatterbrained. I only work 3 12 hour shifts at a time (usually 2 days and a night) to avoid being a complete zombie. I haven't made any major mistakes, mostly just forgetting little stuff (mostly documentation) here and there but I have always prided myself on being a good nurse and I'm worried about losing professional respect or even my job. Being the sole wage earner for what might be the rest of my relationship only makes this pressure worse. Being an aspie also means that I can't read the people around me and have little idea what they think of me or how I am regarded.
I am a total mess. When I go home all I want to do is sleep and I have no motivation to do anything. At work it's all I can do to concentrate on getting my job done to the best of my abilities, theres no energy to try and naviagate even the simplest social interactions with my coworkers.
Is there something I need to be doing? Can anyone else see something that I can't?
((((((((hugs))))))))) Wow. You sound like a truly amazing person.Is there any kind of support you can take advantage of in the workplace?Does your employer have an EAP program? I am in Ontario and I know you can get free counseling through our EAP. I really wish I had brilliant advice for you but I am sure someone on AN will have some pearls of wisdom. Please hang in there and come to AN whenever you need an ear.

You have a LOT going on- even without Aspbergers. Wow- you're right to back away from the drama with your brothers, though I'm sure that's hard, too- since they're still family. Is there any way you can find a counselor to help with coping skills? From where I'm sitting, I can't really help much- and this isn't a site for medical advice- BUT, if you can see a counselor, that could be really useful. If you're doing your job, don't worry about the other people and what they think- even those of us without Aspbergers can't always figure out some of the co-workers we get stuck with Hang in there, and find some time for you, to get some help with this- you have a lot to deal with

Quote from WinterpegLPNI'm starting to get worried about myself at work. I'm stressed, exhausted, and scatterbrained. I only work 3 12 hour shifts at a time (usually 2 days and a night) to avoid being a complete zombie. I haven't made any major mistakes, mostly just forgetting little stuff (mostly documentation) here and there but I have always prided myself on being a good nurse and I'm worried about losing professional respect or even my job. Being the sole wage earner for what might be the rest of my relationship only makes this pressure worse. Being an aspie also means that I can't read the people around me and have little idea what they think of me or how I am regarded.I am a total mess. When I go home all I want to do is sleep and I have no motivation to do anything. At work it's all I can do to concentrate on getting my job done to the best of my abilities, theres no energy to try and naviagate even the simplest social interactions with my coworkers. Is there something I need to be doing? Can anyone else see something that I can't?

I dont have much to add in the way of helping unfortunately but I wanted to say that Im sending positive thoughts and prayers your way. You sound like a very strong person. You are dealing with much more than most have to.

My first thought was your schedule stinks!! Is there anyway you could work straight days or nights? Do you have any vacation time you could use to give yourself a breather from work? Is your hubby getting some help for his depression? As others have said, you are an amazing person to be juggling so much! Prayers for you and your family...

I'm so sorry u are going through this. I'm sure trust issues are big, and I'm impressed you told your co-workers about your asp. Not to worry, I put my foot in my mouth all the time, an apology goes a long way. People with major depression are hard to be around. I hope you can seek out a therapist who makes you feel safe and talk a little. Short term counseling helps with the immediate problem and can help you set goals and see things from a different perspective. I'm in there prayin for u.

My baby brother is an aspie as well...he's in school now for computer programming, go figure. KUHe has made significant progress in the last few years through therapy specifically for aspies, to the point that I now get a hug (albiet a somewhat awkward one) when we see each other. I know you've got more than enough on your plate now as is, but it might be worth checking to see if there's any "social rehab" (as he calls it) groups in your area.Take care of yourself...my brother has a tendency to forget things like good nutrition and sticking to a set sleep schedule, and it can wreak havok on him. Straight days, maybe two on one off one on, may help as well if you can.Best of luck to you in finding all that you need.

Thank you everyone for the support. I tried our employee outreach counselling but it was pretty useless. Theres simply a shortage of people in this profession in my area (or perhaps overall).It's a relief just to know that I'm not a weak person for buckling under this pressure. I see people dealing with so much more that I feel like I don't have much right to complain. Thank you again everyone.

Quote from WinterpegLPNThank you everyone for the support. I tried our employee outreach counselling but it was pretty useless. Theres simply a shortage of people in this profession in my area (or perhaps overall).It's a relief just to know that I'm not a weak person for buckling under this pressure. I see people dealing with so much more that I feel like I don't have much right to complain. Thank you again everyone.

YOu have plenty on your plate......we can't give medical advice here and I think you need to follow up with your MD. Stress can cause many physical symptoms. Maybe you have developed sleep anpea or shift sleep disorder.But be kind to your self....and forgive yourself for being human

Quote from WinterpegLPNThank you everyone for the support. I tried our employee outreach counselling but it was pretty useless. Theres simply a shortage of people in this profession in my area (or perhaps overall).It's a relief just to know that I'm not a weak person for buckling under this pressure. I see people dealing with so much more that I feel like I don't have much right to complain. Thank you again everyone.

Thanks, everyone, for sticking with moral support and non-medical advice. That allows us to keep open a thread that the OP said is helping. If any of you see posts that go against the Terms of Service, please, report them so we can deal with them and keep this thread going.To the OP:I admire you greatly for all that you're doing. You are not weak; you're amazingly strong and determined. But even the strongest people have limits.Your priorities right now should be taking care of yourself, keeping your job and being there for your husband as much as you can. Your brothers are making their own choices. It would be nice if you could save them from themselves, but if they're still having fun with all the partying and don't see it as a problem, the chances of them listening to anything you have to say are slim to none.Your mother is a grown woman. If she's a wreck, that's sad, but she is not your responsibility. You can give her information about how to deal with her issues and with your brothers, but after that, it's up to her to get the ball rolling.I would contact National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI). Canada does have chapters. Google "NAMI" and "Canada" to find them. These folks can help anyone affected by mental illness--patients, family members, friends--and let them know they are not alone.I have an adopted adult son who has many aspie traits, so I get the concept of social isolation and not being able to read people. That just makes me admire you all the more for what you've accomplished and are trying to do now.Maybe you could find an Asperger's support group and make some connections there.Whatever you do, please, do not let guilt be your motivation. No one benefits if you go under. The other people in your life all have choices that they have to make no matter how much you'd like to step in and make decisions for them. It's stressful to watch folks we care about doing stupid or self-destructive things. The only thing worse is taking on their burdens and going down the tubes yourself. You have many wonderful attributes and a strong sense of determination. I hope that you can set whatever boundaries you need to survive and thrive. I hope your husband is able to get the help he needs and that the two of you can stay together and build a successful marriage.Come here to vent when you need to. You're doing the best you can, and that has to be enough.