You never know

24 I knew I wanted to be a nurse since I was 15. Upon entering a nursing program, I was convinced I wanted to do pedi or psych or pedi-psych, I would have never ever thought I would want to be a hospice nurse...
My first semester in my school's program I said to my first clinical instructor "how do people become hospice nurses? I could never do that." and he replied " Never say never, in fact I wouldnt be suprised if you went into hospice, there's usually a reason why we have strong feelings towards something."

Little did I know that my mother would be diagnosed with stage 4 melanoma a year and a half later and die in the hospice inpatient facility while I was still in the program! It's only been 6 weeks since she passed away there but I will be forever affected by the care she recieved from the CNAs and RNs when she was there.
I hope one day I can help someone or some people through such a difficult time in thier lives as these incredible nurses helped me and my mother when we needed them most.

I guess what I'm really trying to say is never say never, and I'll still keep an open mind, especially when it comes to what I will specialize in after I graduate.
I always tell the story of how I worked in a peds clinic as an LPN, and swore up and down that I would certainly work in a children's hospital after I became an RN. Then I had children. I found myself one day after self-diagnosing my son (who was 12 months at the time) with Tetralogy of Fallot (he squatted down a lot, and he would turn kind of ruddy...never occurred to nurse genius that there was a link between him doing that, and a foul odor coming from his diaper shortly thereafter) I found myself saying "HMMM, I can't bear to see my baby get his shots- so what in the world makes me think I'm going to be able to sit there and start and IV on a child who will be crying and looking at me like I'm only one step worse than the boogeyman?" And that was the end of it.I also said I could never work in OB, or NICU, and guess where I kinda would like to work now?

Bless your heart Lemon ! Thanks for sharing !

sorry for your loss lemon. good luck with the rest of nursing school. i bet you'll be an excellent nurse!

I am so sorry for your loss. My prayers to you and your family. When one door closes another opens. It's our personal experience that make us the people we are and the people we are make us better nurses. It was Nietzsche that said..."What does not kill us makes us stronger"

I'm so sorry for your loss. Sometimes we are guided to our true calling in the most unlikely of ways. When I was in school I wanted to be a peds nurse so badly. My teachers told me I might want to reconsider. I have four children of my own and love them to pieces, heck, I adore all children. But it turns out they were right. The soft spot I have in my heart for kids is the exact reason I could never work peds. During that part of our clincals and studies we were exposed to some abuse situations and I realized that strong as I am, I'm nowhere near strong enough to see the results of child abuse or neglect and walk away unaffected. My hats go off to peds nurses everywhere, they are angels in my eyes. And kudos to you, Lemon, for learning that about yourself, especially in the face of such a heartbreaking situation. I hope that one day you get the chance to make that difference for patients and their families.

I think your self awareness is wise. Many never make it to that. I wanted to go into hospice and oncology after I lost my oldest son to cancer. Was sure that was all I would ever want to do. But when I got some experience with it I discovered I had a hard time letting it be about the patient and not about me. It tore me up inside - every patient was my son all over again. Left me rather shaken and was a bit of a crisis until I gave myself permission to do something else. I am ICU stepdown now and just learning all I can. I am so very sorry for the loss of your mother. I am sure she is incredibly proud of what you are doing and cheering you all the way.

I am so sorry for your loss. Interestingly, I thought the exact same thing in nursing school (because I wasn't sure about how I felt in regards to giving larger than normal amounts of pain/anxiety meds, but seeing patients at end of life first hand made that ethical dilemma into a non-issue for me), and so here I am, finding end of life care in the ICU very rewarding. I don't know if I'll ever be a hospice nurse, but I definitely do hospice care in the ICU, and I didn't originally think I would be an ICU nurse when I was in school, though I enjoyed it, and now I can't imagine being anywhere else. You just never know... . It's always good to keep an open mind.I'm sure your experience with your mother will make your even more empathetic to your patients' end of life needs. Best of luck to you! Compassionate nurses are definitely needed in palliative care. Best of luck to you!

I'm sorry for your loss.Whenever nursing students roll through, I always tell them not to be surprised if they find themselves changing their mind about their specialty several times before they graduate...and several more times afterwards

Quote from LemonIndiscretionI knew I wanted to be a nurse since I was 15. Upon entering a nursing program, I was convinced I wanted to do pedi or psych or pedi-psych, I would have never ever thought I would want to be a hospice nurse...My first semester in my school's program I said to my first clinical instructor "how do people become hospice nurses? I could never do that." and he replied " Never say never, in fact I wouldnt be suprised if you went into hospice, there's usually a reason why we have strong feelings towards something."Little did I know that my mother would be diagnosed with stage 4 melanoma a year and a half later and die in the hospice inpatient facility while I was still in the program! It's only been 6 weeks since she passed away there but I will be forever affected by the care she recieved from the CNAs and RNs when she was there. I hope one day I can help someone or some people through such a difficult time in thier lives as these incredible nurses helped me and my mother when we needed them most. I guess what I'm really trying to say is never say never, and I'll still keep an open mind, especially when it comes to what I will specialize in after I graduate.

(((lemon))), i'm so sorry about your mom.i hope your healing becomes more bearable as you trudge along this painful journey. i've worked inpatient hospice for years, and it has been one of the most meaningful experiences of my life.it's hard for others to understand unless you've worked in such an environment.but it has been a privilege and have many, many loving, warm memories of my pts and their families.you will prosper in this speciality, mostly because you felt 'called' to it before your mom even got sick.wishing you much peace and fortitude.leslie

I want to say sorry for the loss of your mother. It is true, most people end up going into and enjoying the field that they least expected. I was going to nothing but L&D, but I ended up in ICU (and I was NEVER going there) I loved it and I have been gone for a year doing administrative stuff, which I don't like so I am interviewing now for home hospice.People ask me "oh, isn't that so morbid?" I actually tell them no, what is morbid is trying to keep alive a person in pain with no quality of life. That was morbid for me in the ICU. Hospice allows the person to leave this earth with some dignity and pain-free.

it will get better.i always swore i would be a critical care nurse forever-- none of this long-term rehab stuff, turn up the dopamine and the bp either gets better or it doesn't, that was me.so. now i am certified in rehab nursing and case management, and it's been almost 20 yrs since i did pt care in critical care. ya just never know. an open mind makes it easier for things to fall into it.