Not happy anymore

1 First, please don't judge. I've been an RN 2 1/2 years now. I work in Tele and have had the same position as when I started as a new grad. I swore up and down I wouldn't get burnt out and so on. I'm there. So much so I'm questioning whether I made the right choice. My background...why I went into nursing...I was raised by my grandmother and great grandmother. Growing up my great grandmother had a lot of health problems and I loved being her "nurse" as a kid.

So when it was time to decide what I wanted to do it seemed perfect that I go to school for nursing. I started college early at 16. Did my pre-reqs and then when I went to apply to my local RN program, well there was a 2 year wait. I was young and impatient and decided Criminal Justice was the next best thing for me. Finished getting an AS in Criminal Justice. Graduated in Dec 2007. My father got sick with lung cancer Jan 2008 and passed by Feb 2008. That whole experience with him brought back the fire in me to become a nurse. Started my Pre-reqs that May. Ended up in the RN program the next summer. I graduated May 2011.

I had received a scholarship previously with a local hospital and I landed a job rather quickly. Was in love at first (ie. Honeymoon phase). Would come home and could not stop talking about my job. I was happy. Along the way I learned I have a very bad herniated disc. Not from my job but happened before and I just never was diagnosed. Actually almost the end of nursing school I had my first MRI which showed the injury. I think the intense labor of this field is making it worse which is really weighing me down. I've had 2 epidurals so far.

On top of this, when I go to work I feel like a waitress / servant / drug pusher. I don't feel like I make any difference to my patients at all. Now, while I feel this way I continue to be respectful and do my job as best I can and do what's right for my patients. My boss seems to think highly of me. I precept often. I've been offered a charge position recently which I pretty much turned down. If I'm not happy how will I lead others properly. I help lead a support group for new nurses, with which I sit there and listen to people who have been at this only a few months and feel exactly the same as I do.

I'm just tired of it all and feeling so down that I've made a wrong life decision. I've been thinking I need a change to something very different in nursing but because I've been out on and off for my back problem I feel I wouldn't possibly be able to transfer in my current facility. No one would want someone with these issues. I feel stuck. Just looking for someone who's been here in my shoes and what did you do?? Thanks. Last edit by TheCommuter on Feb 21, '14 : Reason: paragraphs; reformatting
Why are you still at this job then? The great thing about nursing is that there are so many things you can do. Maybe try a different setting or speciality.If you are feeling burnt out then you need a change.Good luck and take care of yourself.

Quote from loriangel14Why are you still at this job then? The great thing about nursing is that there are so many things you can do. Maybe try a different setting or speciality.If you are feeling burnt out then you need a change.Good luck and take care of yourself.

I just wanted to say I'm sorry you're feeling this way. I imagine it's scary to not be sure of something that so much time and energy has been put into. I wish I had some advice to help you. I'm sure you've thought of it but maybe something away from bedside for your health, or an office or same day surgery. Something enjoyable but low acuity and less physical.

First you have to take care of yourself. What is your physician's recommendations regarding your back injury and your job description?Is he/she aware we are required to "lift 50 pounds"?I would be concerned for permanent disability and be outta there... pronto! Think about receiving disability for a few weeks/ months while you job search.There are many nursing jobs that call for using your brain , instead of your back. That degree in criminal justice must qualify you for something in that area. The combo could be a great asset to an attorney's office.Good luck, keep us posted.

You don't indicate the size of the facility you work in. Like previous posters have said, there are a lot of options for nurses. The fact that you have been in your position 2 and a half years, have been thought of enough to be offered a charge position, and have done precepting shows that according to someone in charge that you have leadership skills. Keep looking. One thing that is a fact in nursing is that there is a lot of turnover so something will open up. Do some networking. If there is a particular department that you want to work in, get to know people who work there. Believe it or not if you can make a connection that person or persons can keep you abreast of possible future openings. Make an appointment to see the manager of that area even if they don't have an opening. Tell him/her about your aspirations and that you would like to learn more about the department. Believe me this will go a long way and when there is an opening that manager will have name recogntion with you. You are only stuck if you allow yourself to be stuck.

Is it possible that your chronic pain (from back injury) is causing an underlying depression? This is a very common situation with any sort of chronic health issue, particularly those with associated pain. BTDT - life can just go "gray" overnight. OP seems like a very dedicated and conscientious nurse. I certainly hope that things work out & we don't lose her.

Quote from KeepItRealRNYou don't indicate the size of the facility you work in. Like previous posters have said, there are a lot of options for nurses. The fact that you have been in your position 2 and a half years, have been thought of enough to be offered a charge position, and have done precepting shows that according to someone in charge that you have leadership skills. Keep looking. One thing that is a fact in nursing is that there is a lot of turnover so something will open up. Do some networking. If there is a particular department that you want to work in, get to know people who work there. Believe it or not if you can make a connection that person or persons can keep you abreast of possible future openings. Make an appointment to see the manager of that area even if they don't have an opening. Tell him/her about your aspirations and that you would like to learn more about the department. Believe me this will go a long way and when there is an opening that manager will have name recogntion with you. You are only stuck if you allow yourself to be stuck.

maybe look into paralegal? the nurse background would be an asset.

Thank you all for your advice.

Unless someone else has said this ... consider stopping that new nurse support group activity. With each session, you're just seeing yourself 'in the mirror', so to speak and it's distressing to you. Why keep torturing yourself with it?And take care of yourself. Sleep well, eat well, start some exercise activity, connect with family/friends for some socialization (no shop talk). Vacation. Dye your hair. Indulge in yourself because if you don't take care of yourself, no one else can do it better than you.Good luck and hugs out to you.

Why don't you combine your nursing and criminal justice degrees into a new career? Check out forensic nursing for a change.

So much great advice on this thread. Our stories are very similar. I was on tele. I was preceptor to students in their last quarter of school. I took a break from precepting because I knew I would get a little heavier run because there were two of us but we actually felt more rushed because I was trying to teach. I also stopped doing any overtime so I could actually relax on my days off. When it was time to leave tele I went to ambulatory surgery. I do pre-op and post op care at an ambulatory surgery center. I also circulate occasionally. I love my job. Research the area where you live. I bet there are a few ambulatory surgery centers you didn't know were there. Walk in with a positive attitude in interview attire with your resume and ask for the nurse manager. You will never know if they are hiring unless you walk in and ask. I prefer to do it in person so they can see you and get a good first impression. You are not just a voice on the phone. This is a gamble sometimes because the NM may be busy and you might have to come back. When I did this, the first place I went to wasn't hiring and the NM wasn't there. I left a resume anyway.The second place interviewed me on the spot for a good 15-20 minutes. They also weren't hiring for full time but we discussed some possible per diem. The third place hired me. None of the places were actually hiring (no want ads posted). All of this occurred within a few weeks. I worked at the third place for 3 months then was recruited by the first place I walked in to, where I really wanted to work. This is a large eye surgery center with 14 surgeons at the time. I have been there a year and a half and I love it. If you leave the hospital you may have to take a pay cut but for me it was worth it to decrease my stress level. Also I work 40 hours a week instead of 36 so it just about balances out.In regards to the charge nurse position I would probably wait. If it were me I would think of it as added stress. It sounds like this is what you were thinking too. It wouldn't hurt to shadow the charge nurse for a few shifts. You never know, you might like it. Whatever you decide to do, wishing you luck. Keep us posted.