What's wrong with my cover letter/resume?? no calls backs or anything

so, i'm a new rpn grad... have been out of school for about 4 months now... i have been searching for a nursing job and registering for additional courses.

i have a friend who is constantly saying he is getting call backs (but he declines because he already landed a job)... but he has the same experience as me... his resume/etc is not much different..(maybe it is because he is a male) even on a floor.. where i networked and etc.. he got called for an interview.
i was just wondering if maybe it was something to do with my cover letter or something. trying to stay positive

here's my cover letter:


sammy fake

123 madeup ave south
,on

(905)123-4789
[email protected]


august 09, 2011


dear hiring manager:
i am a recent graduate from the mohawk college practical nursing program. i have passed my cpnre and expect to receive my registration any day. during my academic years, i have gained clinical experience in medicine, surgery, rehab, long-term care and psychiatry.

also, my experiences gained through my clinical placements have given me the confidence to provide efficient patient care and the ability to collaborate effectively with other healthcare professionals. these skills, coupled with my compassion, patience, patient advocacy and on-going educational development are what i offer as an eager soon to be registered practical nurse.

i would be honoured and excited to be a part of your team and contribute my skills to your health care staff and patients. my enclosed resume will provide you with further information regarding my related experiences. i am looking forward to hearing from you. i can be reached at (905) 123-4568 or by email at: [email protected]. thank you for your attention and consideration in this exciting opportunity.


sincerely,

sammy fake

I would downplay the fact that you're a "soon to be nurse" and talk about why you would be a great fit for them. With each cover letter you send, customize it to include the facility's name and why you feel you'd be perfect for the job. Maybe start it off with "I am interested in a position as a nurse at XYZ facility. I graduated from Mohawk College Practical Nursing Program, and feel that with my experience..." and then talk about your relevant clinical experience and how it applies to the job. Everyone graduates nursing school with med/surg clinicals. If you've been a CNA or done any volunteer work or special projects in your program and they're applicable to that job, mention those too. Try to stand out from the crowd.Other than that, not much advice I can give--I'm in the same boat, applying for jobs.
Also, remove the word, "also" from the beginning of the second paragrah.
Do you have previous work experience? If you do, you should give examples from your previous jobs how you've displayed leadership qualities, people skills, multi tasking abilities, etc. Its important to show how you will use your previous experiences and apply them to your future nursing position.The first paragraph should always start off by asking to be considered for the position for which you are applying for. You should also state why you want to work for that hospital. I always check out the hospital's website & look for awards, etc received or anything that they are known for and mention how I would be honored to work for facility XYZ because their prestigious awards/reputation in the community exemplify their excellent patient care or something like that.
There are definitely improvements to be made. Can you take it to your school's career center?
ahhh this was more of just my basic cover letter. I didn't think it was that bad (ha) but thanks everyone for the feedback so far. I'll tweak it in the morning.
Hi,You spelled honored wrong.
Quote from ncarnurseHi,You spelled honored wrong.
Quote from ncarnursehi,you spelled honored wrong.
your letter is generic....this is a time to point out what makes you unique...tell them something about yourself that makes them want to meet you. i customize my cover letters to the job. so for some jobs i might include some volunteer work i have done or work experience in another area and how that will benefit them. Your cover letter is very, very generic. it needs to have 'you' in there. nobody else could take my cover letter and turn it in as their own because its got specific characteristics and qualities/experiences that i have in there. Find your voice and put your identity in there and you should get some calls!
Quote from evolvingrnyour letter is generic....this is a time to point out what makes you unique...tell them something about yourself that makes them want to meet you. i customize my cover letters to the job. so for some jobs i might include some volunteer work i have done or work experience in another area and how that will benefit them. Your cover letter is very, very generic. it needs to have 'you' in there. nobody else could take my cover letter and turn it in as their own because its got specific characteristics and qualities/experiences that i have in there. Find your voice and put your identity in there and you should get some calls!
Have you tried contacting the HR dept? I didn't have any luck til I started contacting people. Now I have 2 interviews this week and scored a job with a flu clinic.
Ohhkay. So..I think I'll reiterate that this looks like something copy-pasted off a how-to-write-a-cover-letter site sample. You need to take this opportunity to show off what it is that makes you a stellar candidate vs. one of thousands of people graduating from school at the same time. The cover letter is especially important since it's very likely that your resume isn't strong, having little to no experience.So...here are my suggestions (at least the ones I can think of at the moment--coming off a 12-hr night shift and experiencing insomnia right now, haha)...things that are bolded are my suggestions and things that are underlined are things that should be omitted (I can't figure out how to strikethrough on this).Dear Hiring manager: <---find out the person's name or use "to whom it may concern"...you may already have the name here; if so, disregardI am a recent graduate from the Mohawk College Practical Nursing program. I have passed my CPNRE and expect to receive my registration any day. <-- These are things that can be found on your resume. A cover letter does not restate your resume; it should enhance it and be a chance for you to show all the facets and depth that cannot be put into a resume. During my academic years, I have gained clinical experience in medicine, surgery, rehab, long-term care and psychiatry. <--focus on the experience applicable to the unit for which you're applying. everyone goes through pretty much the same clinical topics through nursing school; all you're telling the person is "I've gone through a nursing school curriculum." If you're applying for a med-surg position, focus on your med-surg clinicals and state what interests you in the field of medical-surgical nursing; if you're applying for a tele position, express your passion for cardiology.Also, my experiences gained through my clinical placements have given me the confidence to provide efficient patient care and the ability to collaborate effectively with other healthcare professionals. These skills, coupled with my compassion, patience, patient advocacy and on-going educational development are what I offer as an eager soon to be Registered Practical Nurse. <--You may want to give an example here of what proves you have compassion, patience, a sense of patient advocacy, and a drive for ongoing educational development. Almost every nurse can say she has these qualities, and most will because these are what are expected of a nurse; how can you set yourself apart from the 50 other applicants who are all saying the same things about themselves? The corollary to this is that your example should be concise but detailed enough to leave an impression. What things are you doing to continue education? Why do you feel you are a patient advocate?I would be honoured <-- While you don't have a wealth of experience behind you and you should take care not to sound cocky, you should convey that you are a catch; stating that an offer of employment would be an honor (sorry, I'm American ) implies that you are in an inferior position. Employment is a two-way street; employers may give you benefits and pay, but always remember that you are a person of value, and you are bringing intellect, skills, integrity, and work ethic to the table. Be proud of who you are and confident in what you can offer. and excited to be a part of your team and contribute my skills <--Offer specifics! Careful not to copy-paste what you showed off in the previous paragraph, but reiterate what it is that makes you a special candidate worthy of a second look. to your health care staff and patients. My enclosed resume will provide you with further information regarding my related experiences. <--they know this. This is unnecessary. I am looking forward to hearing from you. I can be reached at (905) 123-4568 or by email at: [email protected]. Thank you for your attention and consideration in this exciting opportunity.Sincerely,Sammy FakeI hope that helps a little....good luck!