Can I Get Some Help Tweaking My Cover Letter?

There is an internship at the hospital I work for on the med/surg floor and I SO want it!! I'm not very good at writing but I know that a perfect cover letter and resume is going to set me apart from the hundreds of applicants.

Here is what I have so far:

I am interested in the position of medical nurse intern with (hospital). I will graduate with a Associates of Science degree in Nursing from (my school) in May and I expect to take my NCLEX-RN shortly after. I have been an employee of (Hospital) since March of 2010 as a safety sitter and now a patient care technician on (unit of my hospital). I participated in dedicated patient care that goes along with the core values of (my hospital). My clinical rotations through nursing school on medical/surgical units have provided me with the knowledge and skills that will transition me from a student nurse to an RN at (hospital). I would like to join the remarkable team of nurses that I have been working with and learning from for the past year. I found that excellent care was provided and the nursing staff was well satisfied with the administration and the work environment.

I have a special interest in working on medical/surgical floor as it offers me the opportunity to work with patients of a wide variety of physical and psychosocial needs. I thrive in an environment where I can use my medical knowledge and my caring personality to dedicate to the healing process of my patients.

What do you think so far The second paragraph is the one I feel the most awkward with.
Hi there,Here's a crack at it...not a whole lot of change, but hope it's at least a little help. ***I am interested in the position of medical nurse intern with (hospital). I will graduate with an Associates of Science degree in Nursing from (my school) in May and expect to take my NCLEX-RN shortly thereafter. I have been an employee of (Hospital) since March 2010, first as a safety sitter and now as a patient care technician on (unit of my hospital). My clinical rotations through nursing school on medical/surgical units have provided me with knowledge and skills that will transition me from student nurse to RN at (hospital). I would very much like to join the remarkable team of nurses that I have been working with and learning from for the past year. I am impressed with both the excellent care they provide and the fact that they are well satisfied with the work environment. I am particularly interested in working on a (the?) medical/surgical floor as it offers the opportunity to provide care for patients with a wide range of physical and psychosocial needs. I thrive in an environment where I can use my current knowledge and continue to expand upon it, while bringing the best care possible to the healing process of my patients.