I almost thought I was alone

Hello, I came across this site and it almost felt like comming home. I was starting to think I was the only one to screew up this bad. I'm down her in the 100 degree sun(fla) wondering where to go from here. I'm a RN with a life long affliction of GAD. In 2007 I sliped L45 (picking a pt up off the floor) and was placed on medication. I was also placed on clonopin for my psy issues. This was the first time I ever took it. While on a 3-11 shift a nurse seen me have an unsteady gait and reported to the sup. I was told to give off my pt and clock out. I was reported to the fl BON and was issued an emergency suspension. I finally got into IPN and attempted to follow orders. Due to my lack of income I had much troble complying. I had to leave the state for a few months due to lossing my home. How ever I returned and completed all my psy eval said that I needed. I thought I was finally done and would get my life back. IPN turned around and made me go to another psy eval. At this eval I had mention that I drank alot in college, but none now, she dx me as an alcoholic. I have few issues but ETOH abuse isnt one of them. Any way this second eval ordered me into 6 months with a psychiatrist and a couselor, as well as drug test and meetings. Through out this intire time I was unable to get employment. Again I tried to comply and had only two months left when my color came up. I literaly did not have the $42 for the drug test and was dropped from IPN. I still have no job and ofcoarse I need one to finaly make another attempt at my license.
I'm pretty much down to nothing and everyday the life I use to have haughts me. I was a good nurse and I love doing it. Now I just feel depressed and hopless.
Thank you so much for this site, at least I know I'm not alone.
Colby Harper
Colby, I really feel bad for you. Check out the "Nurses in Recovery" forum and you will get a bunch of valuable info. Click on "Nurses" and scroll down to the Nurses in Recovery and click it. Maybe staff will see your post and transfer your message there.Anyway, hang in there, and welcome to allnurses.com!