Domestic Abuse Assessment

Wow .... I can't even begin to comprehend what you've been through but I so admire your courage in turning your experience into an opportunity to educate others and raise awareness of this issue. I'm only a student at this point but when I start practicing as a nurse I promise you I'll remember this.

You have a testimony...I'm glad you shared your story, you never know who this may help!!!!

Thank you for having the courage to share this story. You have no idea how many lives you could save.Ask every person, every time you initially assess--anyone can be abused.Remember, as nurses we need to respect and hold on to the idea that patients need to be assessed alone."Do you feel safe at home" is a simple question, but can be a profound relief to a patient in need.

I was 19 and newly married ....Madly in LOVE. He was 27 previously married with 2 children. He had a respectable job in law enforcement. I was unprepared for my future and my youth made me confident....fearless. I was so wrong.OP I could have written this my self.....I was you....many years ago in another life. The details different but no less terrifying. How do you go to the police when they are the police. What do you do when you tell the police and they encourage yo to work it out. I came from a loving family as he slowly weaved his web of deceit and isolation. I was already a nurse!!!! How in heavens name did I find myself here????OP...........coming from a previous marriage of abuse...this needs to be said. This is a message to all nurses that are afraid/embarrassed/uncomfortable to ask....... is anyone emotionally or physically abusing you? Do you feel safe? This single question would have helped me sooner for I would have answered ....yes. We need to use, and perfect, those all important assessment skills which includes the admission interview/assessment and learn the non verbal ques that something is amiss. That moment they look away. The avoidance of eye contact. Shifting/fidgeting in the chair....a vague restlessness that says no verbally to move on.This is why I tell nursing student to not do their "interviews" online when they get the assignment in school. They need to learn how to go outside their box/comfort zone and learn how to gain someone's trust in 3 minuets or less as well as learning to read and assess these non verbal ques.....for they can save someone's life.I think everyone needs to red this.I believe with all my heart.......This is a message to all nurses that are afraid or embarrassed to ask.....or think this question isn't important.......is anyone emotionally or physically abusing you? Do you feel safe? Our powerful assessment skills to and ability to read between that lines can save a life. I know that years ago if someone would have asked me...is someone hurting you I would have answered Yes.

The one time I was ever asked the question, "Do you feel safe at home?" Was before the birth of my first child... IN FRONT OF MY HUSBAND. Seriously. I was/am safe at home, but I looked that the nurse and said, "Even if I wasn't, do you think I would say so in front of him??" OP. I wish I could hug you, I am very sorry you had to go through this. I live in Iowa, too. Thank you for your courage in telling your story. It matters.

National Center on Domestic and Sexual Violence

You are definitly a survivor. Thank you for this article. I will do my research to make sure I assess and provide the proper information if someone was in need of it.

Thank you so much or sharing your story and using it to teach us! You could possible save so many lives by posting this. I often forget the importance of that question that we ask our patients and I feel it often gets overlooked. Your story brought tears to my eyes and I will remember this from now on when I see that question on our admission paperwork.

This happened to me as well. My abuser was a very prominent man in the community. I had grown up in a stable and loving family, with parents always together, and uncles, cousins and brothers who would never physically hurt a woman. It was considered low-class and cowardly.I met the man and we became engaged, then I moved in with him. The process of escalating abuse was insidious; it started with excessive "checking up" on me throughout the day, then verbal abuse, then shoving, slapping, punching and finally a black eye and strangle marks around my neck. I took pictures of the bruises and marks. I left him and he tracked me down and threatened me. At that point I sued him in civil court. I had lots of evidence, including threatening voice-mails and roommate eyewitness account of his stalking me. One of his favorite tactics was threatening to harm our beloved pet.After that I wrote a federal grant under the Violence Against Women Act and was funded to assist victims to get protective orders in court. Sadly, the statistics reveal that it takes the typical victim 7 tries to finally get away from the abuser. I found this frustrating, as many of the victims I assisted returned to the abuser or let the abuser back in the home. Domestic Violence is a Public Health problem and Prevention is the key although it is difficult to recognize the signs when you are in the middle of such a relationship. Typically the abuser apologizes and is contrite, but it's just a matter of pushing boundaries to determine how much you will put up with. It's like the "Frog in the Water" parable: Put a frog in boiling water and it will jump right out. Put it in cold water and slowly turn up the heat, it will cook to death.My abuser refused to admit to anything, despite all of the evidence, until he settled the Friday before the trial was scheduled for the following Monday. This was after nearly 4 years of litigation. I am so happy I stood up to him.

Firstly, I want to thank you all for sharing your very moving stories. It takes a lot of courage to tell these stories, and took a lot of courage for you to escape such dangerous situations. Nobody should suffer at the hands of someone who is supposed to love them, and I am sorry you did. It's a terrible aspect of our society that violence in the home is still considered acceptable to a degree.Secondly, I would like to remind everyone else that this is not a gender specific or hetero-specific danger. Women can be perpetrators as well, whether in gay or straight relationships. Men can also be victims, in both gay and straight relationships. In all my years of volunteering with a local crisis line, I had exactly one man call needing help escaping domestic violence. That doesn't mean there weren't more - domestic violence against men is dreadfully under-reported because of the widespread belief that "real men" can't be victims. So please nurses, assess EVERYBODY for domestic safety if you have suspicions.

I was 16 and pregnant with a 32 year old "boyfriend". No one ever asked me anything. I wont even go into how horribly I was abused. No one wanted to hear it then, and no one wants to hear it now. Only reason I escaped him was because he was carted off to prison after a 10 hour stand off with police where he held my toddler son prisoner and threatened to "gut him like a fish and throw the guts out the window" after stabbing me. We are lucky to be alive. When I see the signs, I ask. Everyone should ask.

I grew up in a situation like this one. I determined never to follow my parents down that road. Today I take pride in loving my wife fully, cherishing her, and treating her with the respect she deserves. In a world where so many women suffer at the hands of monstrous men, I am determined that my woman will always know she has a man who values her and where she can rest her head in an oasis of peace and love. Where I do the cooking when she works late without being asked, and the back rubs and foot rubs are free with no pressure to "pay" for them. In the three years we dated and the six years we have been married, not once have we had a fight or an argument. I think it's safe to say that nine years in, I have broken the cycle of abuse and hatred in the home I grew up in. Yes, there are always choices.