One of Our Own

I'm so sorry this happened to the two of you. That's a terrible thing to have happen. I'm so glad you were able to keep it together enough to help family. It's awful when your clinical detachment is compromised.

Oh my ! Can't imagine what that was like for you. Take care of your self . Maybe utilizing your employers EAP may help.

My initial thought when reading your post was that if you're unlucky enough to have a STEMI with a 99% blockage, having it in an ambulance with a trained partner right there and being four minutes away from a hospital with a cath lab, is one of the better scenarios.I'm very glad that your co-worker is doing well. You did good! You've experienced a traumatic situation. Caring for someone you know and care for isn't at all the same as caring for patients when you have your "professional armor" on. You go to work mentally prepared to handle tough and emotionally demanding situations, but you weren't prepared for this. Don't hesitate to seek professional help, in my opinion it can really help you sort out some of the feelings you're experiencing. I don't want to post about my experiences, but been there, done that. It does get better. Take care! Cyber hugs

Macawake, you are so right! Your words are some of the first that are comforting. So many "think" they know how I feel and offer kind words, but they don't bring comfort. I know they mean well, and I am very thankful for that. My partner has expressed that he too is struggling with the emotional aspect. We got through this event together, and will heal together as well. The process of writing this article was very therapeutic. I think I will continue to write as I move through this. I also have an amazing support system both at home and at work. I am so lucky for that!Thank you all for allowing me to let off steam and for all of your kind words (both in comments and PMs). They are all very much appreciated!!

I can't tell you how much I appreciate your strength in sharing this piece. I'm probably the second-youngest nurse in my hospital and the youngest medic in my squad. The older veterans of either workplace are well into their 60's with many compounding risk factors. The scenario you described has been on my mind for quite a while. I'm dreading the day that your story becomes my story.On another note, I was impressed by your ability to capture the emotions as you recounted the experience. Artfully and masterfully done!

Dude, I can't even imagine what you went through. I'm glad you were able to come on here to talk about it. I don't have any experiences as tough as yours to relate to, but I have had to take care of people that I know, and it makes a huge difference when you can't keep your detachment.Suddenly, the trauma is yours as well as your patient's.I think a lot of the emotional component is about losing your power as a provider and becoming a "victim." Suddenly, you feel helpless, or at least I have.I think you and your partner will be able to work through this together, although your relationship will most likely never be the same. You have saved this person's life, a person that you see and interact with instead of just save and move on, and that will create a tie between you that no one else will understand.Good luck to you and your partner as you recover!

Having a patient tank in front of you, while traumatic in its own right, doesn't come close to having a close friend, someone who's like family suddenly go south.It sounds like you were able to keep your wits about you in spite of what happened, which was a terrible trauma...the mark of a true professional.

Great replies posted above (and likely below) this one; I echo their thoughts. I just needed to also compliment your marvelous ability to relate a gripping story. Real tears. I was absolutely there with you. If writing isn't one of your avocations, it should be.Best of everything to you and your partner. Keep being awesome.

Wow, I'm so glad your partner is alright. Of course you are going to be feeling this way. An experience like that, no matter your training or strength, is traumatic and there will be after math--especially since we have to repress our feelings in a crisis situation. My heart goes out to you. Huge hugs!

You did good. Wishing you, your partner, and your department well.

You guys crack me up! Writing is soooo not my thing!! I've been putting off getting my BSN only because I HATE writing papers! Stupid, I know. Personal topics are a little different, though. Again, your kind words are very much appreciated! You all really know how to give a pep talk!

This article was very impactful. Stories like this that are told from the heart are the best....IMO. I hope you will considering sharing more heartfelt experiences like this.Great job!!