Advice on how to return to workplace after traumatic experience?

Hi all,

recently my father was a patient in the hospital where I work. It's a small hospital so whilst he wasnt in my ward, he was in the ward next door and I know the staff there as well as they know me.

He came in with cellulitis and confusion and was so badly treated he died 3 weeks later after massive sedation stopped him from eating/drinking for over a week then sheer physical exhaustion from the infection (which was only occasionally treated with IVABs) and no intake had him just too weak to even open his mouth so another week of nearly no intake, being overdosed on mass lasix daily (I wasnt aware of this until 'after'), no DVT prevention and the list goes on and on. He withered away to just a shell, was unconcious or barely concious most of the time and in the end I guess he had a CVA or PE, he was in the fetal position with no gag reflex or pupil reaction etc etc

Watching him deteriorate was the most traumatic experience of my life. Seeing what it was doing to my mother and my children was heartbreaking.

I've been nursing for 20years, this death was completely preventable. I was so gutted and ashamed that it happened at my own place of work. It has scared my mother off ever being a patient there.

Knowing it was my colleages that continued to give drugs they should have withheld, not maintaining the most basics of nursing care, not even trying to solve the problems but just accepting them and treating him as a palliative pt which he was not, each and every one of them was negligent in their care and some of them were just so uncompassionate and mean. And that's not even including the Dr's flaws in this situation.

I tried to go back to work after a week but found myself avoiding that area of the hospital and any area like the dining hall as I just didnt want to face those that I held responsible.

I know that part of the problem was the ward he was put in, they really are a pack of zombies there that are a discredit to the nursing profession. I was also upset at the lack of help I got from the heirachy throughout the process when I tried to get help and bring the problems to their attention.

I have since taken 7 weeks off work (as this was the straw that broke the camels back as far as my mental health was concerned after a difficult 12 months with a work related injury) and am due to return next week.

I would appreciate some advice on how to move on with this and continue to work in this hospital. I'm in an awkward situation as I am single with four kids and they have always allowed me to work school hours so changing workplaces means losing those hours.

I like my own ward and my own staff as we have a very different work ethic so I am happy to go back to my 'area' but I know I cant continue to avoid the rest of the place. Just not sure how to get over it and move on and confronting those concerned is not an option. (did discuss it all with the ADON however)

thanks
My heart goes out to you and your family. It sounds like you are outside the US so there are so many issues about his care that wouldn't try to speak to. Is his case unusual? It sounds like there is serious lapse in care. Perhaps you could take some steps as an advocate to improve things there. As for yourself, I would just try to focus on doing your job the best you can. Consider some mental health treatment to try and help you cope.

I'd also suggest a grief and bereavement support group. There are a lot of people who've lost family, and sometimes it helps to be in a real or "virtual" community of people who are in your shoes.Sadly, it's been my experience that if you go in and make waves, they will find a way to get rid of you. Bill Cosby said it regarding parents, but it's also true of management in any field: "They don't want justice, they just want quiet."You and your family will be in my prayers.

I would find another place to work. This is too much to be expected of you, and as was previously suggested, they will actively look for a way to get rid of you. Go on your own terms. This is not the place for you to work. You have nothing to prove to anyone. Take care of your mental health by actively pursuing a job elsewhere. Best wishes for you and your family.

Hi Rosyjo11So very sorry to hear re your poor Dad. Ur post started me crying. I hope ur Dad didn't die alone and/or in pain.My Mum was in the only hospital in our home town, with cancer of the cervix. She had had treatment, and was left to haemorhage for 2 days in a pool of blood on the bed, and when she even asked for a pad (sanitary pad), was told by the b***h nurses there, there weren't any on the ward, & they wouldn't go to another ward (or even ring) to ask. I worked in this hosp when young and left due to bullying, etc, went back 22 years later & it was still the same old-fashioned people 'running things'. It was extremely clicky & if u weren't in a certain 'group' in the town, u were basically ignored & treated badly. So I know what u mean when u say u can't do anything about them. My Mum demanded a phone and signed herself out, she is too scared to go back. I don't blame her, and she would not complain - just wanted to 4get the whole thing.I think u need to look around quietly for another job, I don't know how I could stay there. But when u have kids it will be hard 4 u. I would also contact the health authorities and would definitely be c/o the lack of care. Could you go with an agency and just work 4 them instead? U can choose ur own hours and where u want to work (depending upon qualifications)? That will give u money but also give u time to grieve and decide what ur going to do.Prayers by me sent to u via the internet.

I am hesitant to write this post because when I do it will be a dead give a way to who I am to my fellow students. Your post stood out to me because I recently went through the greatest worst event I could have imagined. I am a senior nursing student and my son was killed in a car accident six weeks ago. A week later my husband lost his job. I decided I had to go back to nursing school. I have four other children at home who lost their brother, and I am trying to keep my head in school. The point is, you have to go on. I wish you could go to another hospital. From my own experience I have realized that sometimes we just have to get back in there. My first day back I was on critical care rotation, three weeks after my son's death, after spending about four hours in the ER with his body. I had to force myself through every minute of the first couple of weeks. Then, the last day I had clinical I realized that I made a difference being there for people. It was such a satisfying feeling. I know that I don't have to deal with the animosity you must feel for the people who were so negligent with your father, but there is a reason that you are in nursing. You can affect so many people for good with your experience. You can even improve your workplace. I hope that you will find the power in yourself to do that. I hope that someday you will be able to look across the cafeteria at those nurses and doctors that you feel so angry toward and smile, because you will know you are better. I myself, do not like wearing defeat. Good luck.

My deepest condolences, Learn2Nurse and ROSYJO11. I can't even imagine.

thankyou all for your words of support. Learn2nurse, I cant even begin to imagine how much you and your family's hearts are breaking. How you managed to work in that area and get through your shift is astounding. I finally summoned up the courage to enter 'that' ward before I took my time off work (I worked about three weeks before leaving)and the smell of the ward hit me and brought back memories that were so sad I just couldnt wait to get out of there. For me it's not so much the death itself that has been hard to comprehend as we were well prepared for his death for many years. It was the trauma leading up to it and being witness to it day after day, it was very distressing for us watching his dramatic decline- the nurses didnt seem to be concerned by it at all. Deep down I know I need to go work elsewhere and yes a Coroner's inquest should be opened but it wont be. The problem is if I work elsewhere then it will be full working hours (only in a country city - no agency work here even) and then the younger two kids will need to find after or before school care and lose out on afternoon activities. My older kids wont be able to do their afterschool work as I wont be there to drive them to it. Would mean a whole lot of big changes for the kids. Guess I'll just go back to work and play it by ear. Time heals all wounds I spose. Learn2Nurse I hope you do OK, your grief far outweighs mine by a long shot. Be careful not to fall into the trap of having to be strong 100% of the time. I think that was one of my faults and the result was I was absolutely thrown when all of a sudden I just couldnt. In my heart it felt like failure even though my head knew it wasnt.

I'm sorry about your loss. I understand it's hard on you. In one post you say it was a preventable death, then in another post you say you were expecting him to die for a while.....could it be you weren't ready for the end? Did he want 'everything' done, or did you all want it? That makes a difference in how a patient might be treated. Sedation might have been totally appropriate if he was experiencing a lot of pain, breathlessness, or agitation. What was his state of health when he went in? Was he well-hydrated, well-nourished and healthy other than the cellulitis? How old was he? These are all questions whose answers have significant bearing on the treatment he received. If elderly, in poor health, very thin, diabetic, it is very possible that the infection was too much for him and the interventions they did kept him alive for those three weeks until his body could no longer compensate no matter what. The lasix is a mystery to me, and that sounds inappropriate to keep giving it unless he was filling up with fluids from IVs that his body wasn't using in an effort to stop his lungs from filling with fluid.Are you absolutely sure that the nursing care was substandard? Was it a palliative ward? How much do you know about palliative care? I know you're hurting right now, but before you severely criticize other nurses and their lack of practice, make sure you know about the field. Maybe the doctor could see that it was NOT a preventable death.....In any case, I wouldn't work there if I were you because you have lost your faith in the hospital, and you have lost your faith in your coworkers.

I am so sorry for both the original poster and Learn2Nurse - you both have been thru a lot. It is hard going on - won't even pretend to say it won't be. I can say that with time, it does get easier. It never gets easy, just easier. I pray that both of you have families and friends that can help you thru this. Condolences.

Quote from tencatI'm sorry about your loss. I understand it's hard on you. In one post you say it was a preventable death, then in another post you say you were expecting him to die for a while.....could it be you weren't ready for the end? Did he want 'everything' done, or did you all want it? That makes a difference in how a patient might be treated. Sedation might have been totally appropriate if he was experiencing a lot of pain, breathlessness, or agitation. What was his state of health when he went in? Was he well-hydrated, well-nourished and healthy other than the cellulitis? How old was he? These are all questions whose answers have significant bearing on the treatment he received. If elderly, in poor health, very thin, diabetic, it is very possible that the infection was too much for him and the interventions they did kept him alive for those three weeks until his body could no longer compensate no matter what. The lasix is a mystery to me, and that sounds inappropriate to keep giving it unless he was filling up with fluids from IVs that his body wasn't using in an effort to stop his lungs from filling with fluid.Are you absolutely sure that the nursing care was substandard? Was it a palliative ward? How much do you know about palliative care? I know you're hurting right now, but before you severely criticize other nurses and their lack of practice, make sure you know about the field. Maybe the doctor could see that it was NOT a preventable death.....In any case, I wouldn't work there if I were you because you have lost your faith in the hospital, and you have lost your faith in your coworkers.