Let's keep grandma/grandpa alive until after the holidays

38 This time of year, we get them. Patients so gravely ill that they must be placed on life support. Ventilator, pressors, art lines, central lines, Swans, trans venous pacing, CVVH. And when all of these have failed, or are failing, the families want to keep their loved ones 'alive' until the holidays are over. I'm talking about patients for whom the term "futility of care" was created. And I just don't know which is worse...The families who want their loved ones to maintain a heartbeat until the holidays are over or the physicians who acquiesce to their demands.

Have we, as a society, become so reality averse that the thought of a family member passing during the holiday season is simply unbearable? Which would people have as a last memory of their loved ones? Passing peacefully at home on hospice...? Or tied to multiple life support systems as their systems shut down, they weep from every extremity and their skin sloughs off to the touch?

Too many families faced with this insist on 'everything' being done for their loved ones with no real comprehension of just how much and how far 'everything' can go. And the healthcare community won't stop and educate them as to just what 'everything' entails. It's a sad fact at this time of year, and it will continue so long as physicians fail to make the situation crystal clear to families with a loved one at the end of their days. Such cases not only use up valuable resources and critical care beds, they deny access to those who would benefit most from them. Never mind the emotional toll such patients take on the staff assigned to care for them, as they watch their efforts go for naught. And all because people fear their own, and their loved ones, mortality. Fear begins when you suspect your mortality and ends when you accept it.
My inlaws made the decision NOT to prolong my grandmother in laws life. She died 2 years ago on December 14th. Which is my birthday. I can understand why people do not want to deal with a loved ones death during what is supposed to be a happy time. Not saying that I agree with it, but can understand it.

Flipside: Hospice families who have a date that they would like grandma gone by. They don't come right out and say it but they will tell you about a schedule they would like to keep almost imperceptable wink included (I have a vacation scheduled, I am starting a big project at work, I am scheduling my baby's arrival -c/s so....) Sorry, I can't arrange that for you. Here is some literature about what hospice is, and just so you know, Grandma will die when she is ready to die.

Yeah...saw that once when I worked hospice.

As a former family member having a loved one die on a holiday is rough. The holiday is forever an rememberance of the death. It just is easier for the family that it does not happen on said holiday. Guess I can in some way understand it.

It is 4 years ago today that my mom passed away from Leukemia after a 9 month battle with it. I can relate to the family's feelings. Christmas was her favorite time of year so it has become a difficult season for me to get through. She spent her last Christmas at home only to be admitted back into the hospital the next day. Only after her passing did I learn from her close friend that she knew she wasn't going to make it and only wanted to hold on until Christmas to spend one more with us. She knew she was going to pass not long after, but couldn't bring herself to tell me. Although it was not our decision to make as in the situation in the OP, my mom, as the patient, knew and didn't want to let go until after the holiday. Still makes the season harder to face. Whether it is right before or right after, the season itself brings thoughts and memories. Of course, no matter when they pass, the anniversary will always bring up those feelings.

I just went to a very sad funeral 1 week before christmas. This person was confined to a nursing home for almost 15 years dx with lewy bodies ( since 40 years old). I was thinking how terrible it would be to have a xmas eve funeral and was releaved for the family that they did not have to bury there family member on or close to xmas. There are always an increase in deaths around this time of year. We just need to remember no matter what the situation is, we are there to assist them in anyway we can.

Good post! I think the answer is for the most part people tend to be selfish.

I dont see prolonging it (and encourage everyone to have some sort of advance directive when it comes to terminal illness) but I can also understand the family not wanting to have to remember Christmas as the day they pulled the plug...

Quote from tryharderGood post! I think the answer is for the most part people tend to be selfish.

My father died over the Christmas holidays over 10 years ago. I still spent the better part of this Christmas weeping. Just when you think it's getting better and the grief is finally passing you realize that it never will. Having a death of someone close to you at such a time really does make it more difficult I think. Although I would never prolong a life for my own convenience, and would not have even with my father if that had been possible, I can certainly understand the strong desire to not have a death forever mar what is supposed to be a joyous family occasion such as Christmas or a birthday - especially if there are children who will be affected by the death. It's a tough call. I really see both sides. It's never easy, but I think there are "easier" times than others.

Both of my parents died around Christmas, one on the 23rd and one on the 28th, different yrs. We let them go on God's time and not ours. Being a critical Care nurse, I knew when it was time. My stepmother knew as well and we brought him home so he could die on his beloved farm. It does bring sad memories every year,but now I have grandkids that yanks the sad right out of me. They decorate everything while I sleep. And I walk into a Christmas wonderland with 2 trees and angels and snowmen and lights all over the living room. Also my husband 11th anniversary of his liver transplant is on Xmas Eve is a joyous occasion too.I can completely understand why families try to avoid the holiday's as a sad time. My sister leaves town goes to Vegas or takes a cruise. Thankfully I have a houseful of grand kids

my mom died 3 yrs ago today .dec 29,2007.that same year my bil died 3 days before thanksgiving.my moms was totally sudden died of sepsis .as a critical care/ed nurse i had the difficult decision to make my mom dnr/dni days after xmas.my moms death brought back memories of my dads death 10 yrs earlier .both loved xmas.these holidays have become very difficult for me since.i now have very little xmas spirit all it brings is a flood of memories.but the grief is getting better.i would never prolong a loved ones passing but i too understand it.