Aspiring nurse...having some doubt. =(

Hi, I'm a long time lurker but finally got the courage this morning to write my first post! =)

I'm an aspiring nurse getting ready to head back to school. I started going for nursing fresh out of high school but a year into pre-reqs, my husband (then boyfriend) found out that I had become pregnant with out first baby boy. (So much for the freshman 15...more like freshman 35! LOL) Unexpected but what a blessing it was. I put school on hold and went on to become a licensed Cosmetologist. Ever since I had this longing to finish becoming a nurse. I remember back in second grade we did a project on what we were going to be when we grew up. I was so proud to say I wanted to be a nurse. In high school, my Junior year English final was on a career choice and once again I did nursing. I have two children now and both were NICU babies. I almost lost my own life to Pre-eclampsia and my daughter has a rare, serious blood disorder so we are constantly at the hem/onc clinic at our local childrens hospital. The first time I was in the Pediatric hem/onc clinic I fell in love!! The children, the parents, the nurses...everything. I cannot imagine not seeing those children everyday and being of some...any...assitance to those families. For once I feel 100% on something. Except...

Researching the life of a nurse I have come acrossed the good, the bad and the down right ugly. All of it I can and am willing to accept. What I can't accept is the nurses who litterally hate their jobs. Did you know there is actually a site JUST for nurses who hate their jobs?! I hate knowing that patiants put their lives into these professionals hands and all the nurses do is go home and bash every minute of their day. I cannot imagine that they are being the very best nurse they can be. It makes me feel wary of the health industry as a whole. It makes me have some doubt....

I don't want to be that nurse. I'm sure at one point, right fresh out of college they were the giddy new nurse that couldn't wait to start. What happens to these people that makes them so bitter?? How do I or any nurse avoid this? I hate letting this influence my decision on something I feel so strongly connected too. Sorry this is so long!!
Congrats on getting back on track for nursing. You seem to have a real passion for this goal, and that should help you through any difficult periods along the way.The haters you describe are a very vocal majority... the same for any profession. But somehow, nursing has always been idealized so the public is completely shocked to discover that we are real, flawed people rather than what they percieve nurses should be.. (angels of mercy, completely devoted to healing & comforting and asking for nothing in return . . . ) Acute care Nursing is characterized by a dramatic imbalance that isn't found in many other workplace environments. Start with a workforce that is has been educated to meet high standards of excellence & toss them into fairly chaotic, high-stakes, high stress environments coupled with an amazingly low level of power and control over the workplace. This is an absolutely perfect combination for producing burnout. It's really amazing that so many of us are still in love with nursing. It's a built-in Catch 22; the more care, the higher the risk for burnout.We're the most visible and accessible part of a broken healthcare system, so we get blamed for everything. As a nurse, the only enduring sense of fulfillment you can expect is from within.. your own sense of accomplishment and satisfaction for doing your best to make a difference in the lives of others. You should not expect nursing to fill your need for kudos and admiration by greatful patients... it simply isn't going to happen.
Two ways I've found to avoid feeling bitter when my workload seems overwhelming:1. I remind myself that although nursing is very fulfilling, I am more than my job title. Sounds a little silly, but it's helpful to remind myself that I'm also a daughter, a tutor, a friend, a girlfriend, etc. Nursing isn't my whole life!2. Every day that I work, I say out loud to someone else (co-worker, patient, charge nurse) something I appreciate about my job. Usually it's that I learned something new that day, but it's been as minor as "I'm grateful that poop didn't end up on my scrubs."