Nurse to Nurse Abuse (how do I fix this)

I have been a nurse for the past six years, currently in ( a small) PACU for a year. The nurses that I work with still pick on me. Granted, it has become better than when I first started there. Here are some examples of what I mean: 1.) Information is withheld from me 2.) When asking questions, I am made to feel like I asked a stupid question 3.) Gossip (i.e. I'm sitting down all the time when I am not, I take too long with patients etc) 4.) Not talking to me.

I realize that these are not specific examples but I just wanted to give a general show of "reoccuring" themes. I have done a lot of soul-searching trying to figure out if it is me. Am I difficult to work with? Am I not seeing the bigger picture? etc. All of this to no avail. I truly am trying my hardest and want to be supportive to everyone on the unit. I want to get along with these women.

After speaking to a senior nurse on the unit she confided in me that she believes these struggles are unique to this unit. She came from a much busier PACU and said everyone was much too busy to pick on others the way these nurses do. She has told me to hold me head up high and just continue working. I am doing my best with this but I would be lying if I didn't say that these nurses really upset me. They make me question if I am a good nurse or not. I have gotten better at dealing with this (letting it roll off of my shoulder). I can't help but wonder if I should just grow a thicker hide or if I am asking too much by wanting to be treated well.

With the economy, being the way it is, nursing jobs where I live are hard to come by. This job is close and the hours work well for my family. I really enjoy the work I am doing, except, of course the way the nurses treat me. My nurse manager (team leader) is part of the problem. I do not know the women above her well enough (nor do I have the guts) to speak about these issues for fear of retaliation.

My question (and thank you for so patiently reading this)....Is this something I can fix? How do I better cope with this? Has anyone experienced this and was able to work through the problem?

Sincerely,

A nurse with a hope for a better future Last edit by PACURN27 on Aug 10, '10
Sounds like a mixture of bad manners/cattiness/ignorance and bullying.It's important that you don't throw it all in and leave yourself without valuable experience and a job .... you mustn't end up with the short straw because of their behaviour.It sounds like you enjoy the speciality.If this is a relatively safe place to work regarding your license ....then I would stay and concentrate on learning as much as I could. When you become more proficient, then a lot of the poor behaviour will lessen (always does with these types)Pick out a mentor ...learn all you can....network....look after your license ...and your future will be brightBest wishes. Just a shame these are your coworkers. However you will emerge stronger for it ... plus gain some managing difficult people skills.Hopefully. when the recession is over you will then be in a better position to move to another PACU

I have observed a recurring theme over the years...mean coworkers will almost always target certain individuals while seemingly leaving the others on the unit alone. It revolves around their perception of us. If your coworkers view you as a 'softie' or a patsy who will not stand up vocally for yourself, you'll be a target for further abuse. If you're looked upon as someone who will put up resistance and not permit people to walk over you like a doormat, then coworkers will catch a clue and leave you alone.In other words, nurses can "bully-proof" themselves by openly confronting the foul behavior as soon as it happens. If we make ourselves too difficult to pick on, the offenders will simply pick on easier targets.Nurse-to-nurse abuse is a crime of opportunity that is also known as lateral violence. People tend to pick on the most opportune targets: those who don't respond defensively to the abuse. In addition, if nothing is done the first time around, coworkers will continue the abuse and picking, because they know that they can get away with it.

I agree with the other posts. I myself have worked in some areas where I was also the victim. I left my job because it had gotten so bad. But as always the next hospital I went to another small hospital it was sort of the same. It was then and there I decided I wouldn't let people as such bother me and make me leave my job. I started to nip things right in the bud right then and there before it started getting to far. Sometimes you have to call people out in a way to let them know not to pick on you. That's what I had to do where I am now and it got better. You have to stand up for yourself but in a non threatening way to let people know not to pick on you. If people see you in a certain way you tend to get picked on. I just say keep your head held high and before long it won't bother you.

It's difficult working with women. Especially Alpha, gossipy Queen Bees. There is a hierarchy they have created in their heads and you HAVE to be extremely strong and VERY RIGHT to combat it. There is no "VICTIM". You ARE NOT one, so don't start down that path. You just happen to be in "their way," and that's not gonna matter if you use your smarts.It's a lot of work, and unless your skin is steel, almost not worth it. Here's some advice should you decide to take on this mission: 1. Gather evidence you're not sitting on your patientsi.e. know your anesthetics well, the side effects, and make sure you really ARE NOT taking too long. Example: An unremarkable 31-year-old Lap Appy with no significant history should be recovered within one hour. That's MY benchmark. I can recover in less time, if I frontload them with pain meds. You have to be very, very, very comfortable and TOTALLY understand the continuum of anesthesia and narcotics. Increase your productivity level and create your own stats.2. Create Performance Improvement Projects and make yourself known. Start a study and get it published--join your local, state, and the national perianesthesia associations.3. Always be on time--always leave on time. Be direct in your communication, and don't sound like a little "girl". Sound confident, and straightforward. NOT RUDE; just act like you know your $***. Don't participate in the gossip and BE VERY, VERY PROFESSIONAL in your dealings with everyone. By that I mean, no "honey" "pookie" "Sweetie" "baby." It's always, "Sir," "Ma'am" "Mr." "Mrs." and get everyone to address you as Nurse ______Last Name...4. LOOK professional. DO NOT LOOK LIKE A HOOCHIE mama or a disaster. I'm not saying look like a supermodel, just look clean, and TOGETHER.5. Walk straight, look them in the eye. And then give them the "I dare you" look.Good luck.

Quote from PACURN27I have been a nurse for the past six years, currently in ( a small) PACU for a year. The nurses that I work with still pick on me. Granted, it has become better than when I first started there. Here are some examples of what I mean: 1.) Information is withheld from me 2.) When asking questions, I am made to feel like I asked a stupid question 3.) Gossip (i.e. I'm sitting down all the time when I am not, I take too long with patients etc) 4.) Not talking to me.I realize that these are not specific examples but I just wanted to give a general show of "reoccuring" themes. I have done a lot of soul-searching trying to figure out if it is me. Am I difficult to work with? Am I not seeing the bigger picture? etc. All of this to no avail. I truly am trying my hardest and want to be supportive to everyone on the unit. I want to get along with these women. After speaking to a senior nurse on the unit she confided in me that she believes these struggles are unique to this unit. She came from a much busier PACU and said everyone was much too busy to pick on others the way these nurses do. She has told me to hold me head up high and just continue working. I am doing my best with this but I would be lying if I didn't say that these nurses really upset me. They make me question if I am a good nurse or not. I have gotten better at dealing with this (letting it roll off of my shoulder). I can't help but wonder if I should just grow a thicker hide or if I am asking too much by wanting to be treated well.With the economy, being the way it is, nursing jobs where I live are hard to come by. This job is close and the hours work well for my family. I really enjoy the work I am doing, except, of course the way the nurses treat me. My nurse manager (team leader) is part of the problem. I do not know the women above her well enough (nor do I have the guts) to speak about these issues for fear of retaliation.My question (and thank you for so patiently reading this)....Is this something I can fix? How do I better cope with this? Has anyone experienced this and was able to work through the problem?Sincerely,A nurse with a hope for a better future

Quote from JoPACURNIt's difficult working with women. Especially Alpha, gossipy Queen Bees. There is a hierarchy they have created in their heads and you HAVE to be extremely strong and VERY RIGHT to combat it. There is no "VICTIM". You ARE NOT one, so don't start down that path. You just happen to be in "their way," and that's not gonna matter if you use your smarts.It's a lot of work, and unless your skin is steel, almost not worth it. Here's some advice should you decide to take on this mission: 1. Gather evidence you're not sitting on your patientsi.e. know your anesthetics well, the side effects, and make sure you really ARE NOT taking too long. Example: An unremarkable 31-year-old Lap Appy with no significant history should be recovered within one hour. That's MY benchmark. I can recover in less time, if I frontload them with pain meds. You have to be very, very, very comfortable and TOTALLY understand the continuum of anesthesia and narcotics. Increase your productivity level and create your own stats.2. Create Performance Improvement Projects and make yourself known. Start a study and get it published--join your local, state, and the national perianesthesia associations.3. Always be on time--always leave on time. Be direct in your communication, and don't sound like a little "girl". Sound confident, and straightforward. NOT RUDE; just act like you know your $***. Don't participate in the gossip and BE VERY, VERY PROFESSIONAL in your dealings with everyone. By that I mean, no "honey" "pookie" "Sweetie" "baby." It's always, "Sir," "Ma'am" "Mr." "Mrs." and get everyone to address you as Nurse ______Last Name...4. LOOK professional. DO NOT LOOK LIKE A HOOCHIE mama or a disaster. I'm not saying look like a supermodel, just look clean, and TOGETHER.5. Walk straight, look them in the eye. And then give them the "I dare you" look.Good luck.

After reading your post I had to ask, "Why do you tolerate this?" Six years as a nurse and you are still getting this? Oh no honey. Not I. I would raise you know what. It seems like you are a softy so until the day you decide to stand up for yourself it will never stop.

I have a friend who is experiencing the same problem at the moment so my heart goes out to you because I am worried and concerned about her and the treatment she is recieving.It has always been my findings that those people who are being so mean and finding fault are so not perfect and I took quiet pleasure in smiling to myself for catching them out in little mistakes that they had picked me up for. I never said anything because it always looks like sour grapes but privatly it cheered me up.I would hope you have a good manager who needs to address this situation and if she cant then HR have a responsibility to do do something. They will have done lots of courses on this sort of behaviour and should be able to advise or manage such situations.

I tried extra hard to fit in and be nice when I started nursing ....AND IT DID NOT WORK. It wasn't until I developed a "so what?" additude that people started to come around and get a bit friendlier. I didn't get mean or rude, I just quit smiling at people who made no effort to be friendly back to me.

It's nice to work where I don't have to be with coworkers every blessed minute of the day. Bullying happens if you're not willing to stand up for yourself. The worst bully I've encountered was a male.....though I imagine that's unusual. When you put a lot of people together in a stressful situation where they feel like they have no control, they're bound to snip and snap at each other in less than healthy ways....happens in a lot of jobs where people are held responsible for many things they have little control over.

Thanks OP for this question. I was a CNA and have had some similar issues as you have had.

I have not been a target of a bully and have no intention of making light of these situations but I always wonder why not move on and find a team that will respect and work with you? I get that it isn't fair, legal and shouldn't be your responsibility to leave a position but it is what it is and if after 6 years things have not changed so I wouldn't hold my breath. Its like driving down the road and an aggressive driver who has been on your bumper for miles and attempts to pass you. They cut it too short with oncoming traffic and your options are to 1. slow down, 2. make room in your lane by pulling over or 3. have a 3 car accident. Is it really worth it to be right when you are hurt in the end anyway?