disorder eating and going on the pill

so I am not sure if this is the right area to post this but I just need some type of advice. I am 19 years old and I am in school heading towards nursing. I am extremely stressed out all the time, but over all I am pretty happy with my life. When I was 17 years old I was having trouble at home (parent drama) but long story short I lost a lot of weight, exercised constantly, starved and if I did eat I'd make sure my calorie intake was less than 300 a day, and it usually was a lot less. I am 5,4 and at that time i had gone down to around 117 which for me is rather thin. I knew I had a problem and I still do. But I have tried to control it and I have changed my life into a much better situation and I am a whole lot better with the disorder but I still struggle a lot with it and my self esteem. I actually still you use laxatives alot...which i know is a very big risk for alot of things, but I just can't stop. The really meaning of this message is that I am planning on going back on birth control ( i got off of it at 18 cause I had gained weight). My boyfriend is the man for me and we are going to get engaged in a couple years I keep telling him that I am going to go on the pill...but i keep putting it off because Im so scared it is going to make me gain weight again. I know that it's very stupid of me to rather risk pregnancy than gain weight but it is so hard for me. I know that the second I start to gain I am going to get depressed and I am going to get out of control again. I know that some pills have low estrogen and don't allow the body to retain as much water. I just, I dont know what to do. I am so scared that I'm going to gain weight and lose control of my life again. Has anyone ever felt like this...sorry if this is a stupid question...

-meg
Last edit by meglet on Mar 20, '12
Hey Meg, I sent you a private message

Hi, Meglet~It sounds to me like you have some things going on in your life that would be far better addressed by a doctor and/or therapist experienced in treating eating disorders than by strangers on an anonymous Internet forum. I know it's hard to ask someone for help IRL. I struggle every day with bipolar disorder, recovery from alcoholism, and compulsive eating, so I can empathize with you if not relate completely to what you're going through with your food issues. However, seeking help from qualified people is a MUST if you want to recover from your illness and get on with your life, so I'm going to request that you do so and then keep in touch with us here at Allnurses to let us know how it's going. Someday you will probably make an incredible nurse because of all you've been through, but for now you really ought to think about putting your college and engagement plans on hold so you can deal with what's in front of you right now.Trust me---I'm an old woman and have learned the hard way that the only path that leads one out of a problem, runs straight through the heart of it. You're 19......you have an eternity in which to realize your dreams. But today, you need to take care of YOU. Good thoughts and prayers coming your way.

This is coming from someone who has had an eating disorder for 16 years- been in treatment for 2, doing well (having a daughter is good for that). What I mean to say is A) you need to get treatment (if you are willing and ready), preferably from docs and therapists and nutritionists who are strictly specialized in eating disorders. My nutritionist told me that many, many docs in the mainstream know very little about eating disorders, really. Secondly- pill, pregnancy, you'll gain weight either way. With the pill, less so- I would take the pill. You don't want to be pregnant with an eating disorder, it is hell. I went through it with my son. I felt like a monster, restricting my intake, and in so doing, starving him too. Does your boyfriend know about your ED? Would he be supportive of you if you started gaining? If not, then I'd head for the hills. What I'm trying to get at is, you're going to be going in circles with this until you get help. If you're not ready for that (and I'm not being confrontational, I didn't get help until *I* was ready, but it took a really scary thing to make me ready, and once I found out I was pregnant again- with a daughter, I had no choice- Ana runs in my family: my mom, my aunt (suspect, on and off) and a cousin (suspect). I had to nip it in the bud. Best wishes in whatever you do. I hope become ready to be helped soon.

Here is a good resource:National Eating Disorders AssociationWe sincerely hope that you get some help for your ED but we can't provide medical advice. We hope that you will contact your medical provider and get your questions answered.