"The Big C"

I'm glad you told your friend you loved her. That is important.

As person who has worked in Oncology while getting cancer tx for my own diagnosis I see it from both sides. Every person is different but here is what I look back on with my patients and with myself. You don't have to say anything. One of the things I appreciated (though I didn't realize it till after my remission) was when my best friend came and sat with me while I got my tx. Sometimes someones presence is enough. My other best friend lives far away and she would send me packages of random magazines (like a national geographic in Chinese with her writing scribbled on top of it making up the story) or seven different versions of Alice and Wonderland book that she picked up from used stores. or some country time lemonade suckers (it got rid of the nasty metalic taste from chemo). I had another friend that would txt me hilarious pics and memes throughout the week.Anyway as a pt. I just didn't want to keep talking about my cancer. I didn't want it to be my world. So my friends knew this they would ask how I was feeling and then we would talk about other stuff. As a nurse I would be realistic with my patients but I would also tell them about some ways to get through it. I told them that it is a roller coaster. That you have to believe in something, have somewhat good nutrition (and by that I mean at least eat something) and a support system of people and or animals that you can turn to.I sometimes think it is harder on the loved ones of the cancer pt, then the pt themself. I hope you will find peace during this suffering.

Thanks to writing this article and getting it off my chest-I did contact my friend today and she needed the support! Thanks for reading

I too am familiar with cancer. I lost my mother to malignant melanoma almost 22 years ago. I was 17, she was 42. Two of my sisters have had cancer (thankfully just an excision was all that was needed for both). My father in law survived lung cancer, just to die of a major MI. My mother in law and sister in law both had cancerous skin lesions removed (again, excision only). Last May, my dad was diagnosed with esophageal cancer as well as small cell lung cancer, with mets to the liver. He's been through chemo with few side effects, thank goodness, but our whole family knows where this is going to lead... and today, my sister in law was diagnosed with breast cancer... Now, on to your friend... all she wants to know is that you're there for her and that you're thinking of her and praying for her. As nurses, we "turn off" our emotions every day. We don't let ourselves feel too much for our patients or their families, and we try not to allow our personal lives to interfere at work. Now it is time for you to turn the nurse in you off and allow your emotional side to be there to support your friend. I hope everyone on here can see the emotion in your post the way that I can. I don't see you as being selfish at all and you certainly don't sound like a coward. You sound like a nurse who has been trained to be analytical in those types of situations, and you're having a hard time separating the "real" you from the nurse you. Just tell her you're sorry to hear that news and that you'll pray for her. Don't tell her you'll be there for her, she's hearing that every time she turns around... just BE there for her. You don't have to announce it. Sounds to me like you're a great friend to have in her corner simply because you care so much.I see that you did call her. I hope that it helped both of you.... now let's get out there and get rid of cancer!!

what a lovely supportive post-thank you RNikkrf!

Your post touched me greatly. I've lost one dear friend to the same cancer that will probably take my life in a year or two, and I have another friend who, after going into remission from colon cancer, is now starting treatment for prostate cancer. I hate this disease.It really is hard on friends and loved ones, maybe not harder than it is on thepatient (and I realize that's selfish of me), but perhaps just as hard in a different way. Thank you for writing this heart-felt and supportive post.

Quote from madwife2002The moral of the story for me, is I now understand ‘The Big C” because in my world it remains the monster.

Cancer sucks plain and simple. It scares me to death and I work with these patients everyday. Our unit has had 52 deaths so far this year. But then there are so many success stories. Most of the families don't want to talk about cancer all the time, they just want to try and keep life normal through it all. *hugs*

I too have lost friends and family members to cancer. In fact a family member has recently received a terminal diagnosis. I use it as inspiration to train for and run to raise funds for cancer research and support services.