Only a nurse will understand...

9 Anyone else here have an issue with friends/family members putting a guilt trip on you or taking offense to why you are not at social gatherings? Although I work 3 12 hr. shifts, they seem to think that "I only work part time". If I work a day or the whole wknd I am considered antisocial bc I can not come to an event. Did I also mention that I am in school and need to set aside time to study. Trying to better myself and all I get is grief!
Yup. No one will ever understand what this career means or entails unless they live in it.

Not my family and not intentionally but I miss church every other week. I work overnight and our one service (very small church--17 families/singles in our directory--so only one service) is at 1000. If it were at 0800 I'd stay up and go, but I can't stay up until 1200 when we typically get home. Anyway this one lady is always saying "We miss you!" I say I miss everyone on my on-w/e's too which is the truth, but at the same time I'm thinking "I didn't leave." I really don't think she means it in a guilt-inducing way, but at the same time I WOULD be in church every Sunday if I could. My family understands. I've been a nurse since January 2003, and I was a CNA for 5 yrs before that, so they're very used to me working weekends and holidays. Plus on my mom's side of the family we had an RN who worked until she was 76 (with a 1st retirement somewhere before then). My own nuclear family's normal has included celebrating holidays and birthdays whenever we're able to.

I'm guessing most of us have dealt with this. Very thankfully, I am working M-F, days, no weekends or holidays, and it's like a gift from heaven for my family....although for YEARS it wasn't so.Most of the time, they could understand. Sometimes, if it was really important (TO THEM) that I attend something, they could not. A housewarming party held from noon to four pm on my weekend on duty. You think that'd be the end of it ("0h, she's working, no way can she make it") but NO: I was working 7p-7a (which we all know means 'until you're done'). Which, to my pushy relative, meant I certainly COULD go to the party "if I really wanted to". As if I could sleep for three hours, get up, spruce up, go to the party, then go home to change and go to work. Which would mean working a 13 hour shift, getting two hours of sleep, then being up all day and THEN working another 13 hours. Taking care of sick people, giving meds and treatments. Great plan. My family figured I could just "not sleep all day like usual". !!Yeah, it was *ME* that was the problem.

My siblings haven't talked to me in almost 6 months because I took NCLEX classes which interfered with their Christmas plans... never minding to ask what my schedule was. My step-mom is also a nurse and they plan things for after she's off work, even when she says she can't make it out after working 12 hours and going back the next day then give her the guilt trip.

I would rather not show up at all then be encouraged "oh,just come right after work" and get there to find the meal is over, everything is cleaned up and put away. And then suffer the sighs and groans as it is all pulled out again even though I kept staying "oh, I'll just get myself a plate and heat it in the microwave" I blame my husband ,too because not once has heasked the family to make him a plate to bring home to me after I've worked a 12 or 16 hour shift on a holiday.

I've had to make things explicitly clear to family members a time or two. "No, I am not working at noon on Saturday. I'm working 7 PM to 7AM Friday, Saturday and Sunday, so I will be sleeping at noon on Saturday." And a few times, I've had to call family members at midnight just to make the point that, "No, I cannot just get up and come over for a few hours." Most folks learn after one such call. I once had a boyfriend who didn't get it until I came over to his house at midnight, turned on the lights and the music and started a conversation a few times. I wonder now why I didn't just dump his ass.

I completely agree, unless your a nurse... You just don't get it. What we deal with. What our job actually is. Our weird hours etc etc. That's why slowly your friends all end up being your nurse co workers.

I highly recommend the 2am "Hi! Whatcha doing?" phone call to the people who don't get it yet. Repeat as needed.

As far as people not understanding our schedule, I'm guilty of doing the same thing to them. I've never worked anything but healthcare & in my mind, working 8-hour days and being free part of the afternoon, all night, and all weekends/holidays would be living the dream It's hard to know what life's like for someone until you've walked in their shoes.

Quote from kristandrewsAs far as people not understanding our schedule, I'm guilty of doing the same thing to them. I've never worked anything but healthcare & in my mind, working 8-hour days and being free part of the afternoon, all night, and all weekends/holidays would be living the dream It's hard to know what life's like for someone until you've walked in their shoes.

Quote from Ruby VeePersonally, I find 8 hour shifts weekdays only to be a little slice of hell! I'd never do it again. (Willingly, that is.)

I'm one of the least senior dayshift nurses on my unit. My mom asked me what I was bringing to Easter brunch. I was like, "Nothing, because I'm working all day.""Well that's not very nice of you.""Do you think I want to work Easter?""You say that, but you never ask for it off.""Of course I asked for it off.""Then why are you working?"I've tried to explain seniority, and staffing needs of the unit dozens of times to her, but we repeat this conversation word for word almost every holiday.