What kind of shift report was that?

8 What is the funniest/worst/quickest (any adjective) shift report you've received? I was just thinking about one I got a few years ago when I worked in the nursing home that covered all three of the above. Went something like this...
As the PM nurse tossed me the med room keys, "Everybody's okay. Joe Shmoe died. I counted the narcs with the supervisor. I gotta run. Are you good?"

Because this was a nursing home with the same 28 dementia residents that I worked with day in and day out, I knew not much changed, so I was okay with that report. Would never accept something like that now, though.
Yep, I've gotten reports like that. Really scary considering it's on ICU patients. The worst for me however, is from someone who is scatterbrained and jumps around in no logical fashion. At the end, I'm left thinking, "Okay, so why is this patient here?!?" If I do get a nonsense report, I just nod and tune them out pretty quickly as it's easier to read the report sheet/kardex/H&P and get a much clearer idea of what's going on.

The funniest thing I was ever told in report (from a male nurse, mind you):"I deep-throat suctioned the patient"I was stunned for a minute

"Everyone was asleep when I got here, and slept all night. Otherwise, you worked days yesterday, so you know what's going on. Have a good day, Bye."

I've gotten report before from a nurse who waited until five minutes before I got there to make calls to several physicians regarding changes in her patients. It went something like this:"Mr. Smith has some new hematuria, I just paged urology, he should be calling back any minute. Mrs. Jones wants her diet advanced, I just paged Dr. Black, he should be calling back any minute. Mr. White said he's not getting all of his home meds, so I paged Dr. Brown, he should be calling back any minute. Anyway, gotta run, have a good night!" And out the door she ran, just as the phones started ringing...

"Nothing new; have a good day. Bye!"

Quote from No Stars In My Eyes"Nothing new; have a good day. Bye!"

There are only 4 open rooms and they're all yours.

Quote from emtb2rnThere are only 4 open rooms and they're all yours.

Quote from No Stars In My EyesNow that would be a scary report! Ulp!Four potential admissions, because, don't hold your breath, they won't be open for long and you won the jackpot for the day!

Quote from emtb2rnIt's in the er & happens often.

"33 bed 1. SOJ-same old Joe". "33 bed 2 ..."Report before and after Joe was normal-fine report; Joe was a verrrrry stable long-timer on our hospital floor just waiting to be discharged back to a nsg home. "SOJ-same old Joe" said it all.

Quote from westieluvI've gotten report before from a nurse who waited until five minutes before I got there to make calls to several physicians regarding changes in her patients. It went something like this:"Mr. Smith has some new hematuria, I just paged urology, he should be calling back any minute. Mrs. Jones wants her diet advanced, I just paged Dr. Black, he should be calling back any minute. Mr. White said he's not getting all of his home meds, so I paged Dr. Brown, he should be calling back any minute. Anyway, gotta run, have a good night!" And out the door she ran, just as the phones started ringing...