I think I might have done something stupid.

I think I inadvertantly did something rather stupid.

Later this week there is a thing for all employees who have been at the hospital for certain numbers of years, it's a large event apparently with many employees invited.

So I was invited but did not plan to attend. Then a few weeks ago got an email from the NM that she had taken me off work so I could attend; but immediately after the email was sent, a retraction of the email was sent, so I figured she had changed her mind.

Then the "official" schedule for the week came out just a few days ago and I had been taken off (without a make-up shift later in the week so losing a shift for the week). The NM was out of town until just before the event (i.e. too late to change the schedule), so instead I emailed the assistant NM asking to be put back on, thinking there had been some kind of mix-up or something. She did so. Then when the NM got back in town I received an email from her sounding rather disappointed that I wasn't going.

I do not know why- there are a lot of people who go and a lot of people who don't every year. And I don't really want to tell her that part of the reason I don't want to go is that I don't have anyone to take with me- no family in town and, not really seeing anyone right now either. I am a very shy socially awkward person, and going alone to a banquet-type evening with a bunch of people I don't know very well is, well I wouldn't say torture as that's a misuse of the word, but it's one of my least favorite types of situations ever.

But I didn't realize that the NM really wanted me to go, and I'm afraid she thinks I went behind her back to get out of going when that's not what my intentions were at all. I thought she had retracted the email about cancelling me for the day. When I realized she hadn't, I went to the assistant NM who does scheduling, who put me back on without asking anything like why aren't you going, etc. And the NM was out of town at that point anyway. If I had realized how important it was to the NM, I would probably have tried harder to find someone to go with. But it's too late now.

I guess my questions are, how should I handle this? and, if you were my NM, would you treat me differently from now on like I disappointed you when you were trying to do something nice for me?

I feel like a heel. And I don't know what to do.

(I have tried to post this thread 4-5 times now but my internet connection was being stupid... maybe it was trying to save me from posting this at all, but I really need advice. If you think I've shared too much info on here though, let me know. Thanks.)
Don't keep e-mailing your NM. Talk to her.

Go talk to her: tell her that there was confusion on your part, especially when you saw that the e-mail was retracted and then she was out of town just before the party.

Good idea. I do not actually see her most shifts though, as I work nights. But she is there some of the shifts. I'm just not sure what to say to her, I'm not good at explaining things like this unless I really think them through. And I would like to resolve it sooner than later, and I'm afraid if I wait to see her and talk to her in person, it may be later than should be to resolve this. I mean, should I just say, I am sorry for the miscommunication and I am sorry to disappoint you in not going? I don't want to sound like a jerk.

Thanks Meriwhen, you must have been posting the same time I was writing my reply. If I see her I'll tell her just that. If she's not at work tonight should I just e-mail her?I'm trying to weigh the pros and cons of responding in person but later, or responding in e-mail immediately. Does that make any sense?

I would just be completely honest with her like you were on here. Just go up to her and tell her you sincerly are sorry for not attending. you thought so and so about the schedule (what you already explained here) and about you feel uncomfortable in crowds like that. I believe anyone will respect and usually understand if you humble yourself in front of them apoligize. and you know what after you do that you can have a clear conscious that you got that off your chest and you were truthful. if i say something stupid then i end up mulling over it for hours and days which drives me crazy. and by the time i face up to and confront the other person they tell me they haven't even given it another thought. i always make it worse in my own head. i hope this helps and you feel better. and at the very worst... will this matter next month or next year?

NO, you did not do something stupid! Communicating via e-mail ,then leaving town? Guess who is the stupid one?NM apparently wants you to play the corporate game by going to their party.You have every right to decline this invitation. Beleive me, you will never be able to please NM enough!!!!So quit trying, do your job and forget the politics.

Such a pity you don't want to go, so many of us nurses rarely get time to socialize with each other; it's all work, work, work and we never get to let our hair down...We used to have an annual end of year staff dance, and those of us who went without partners (I was one of them, hubby hates going to parties) found it a real drag.Then I made a suggestion that was adopted. Put all the ladies without partners at one table-and believe me, we had a BLAST! It was SUCH fun! Don't you think, if your company tried it that way, you might actually go and enjoy yourself?I agree it's a good idea to speak personally to your NM, but when you do, ask her what she would think of this suggestion, and find out how many others who have been invited are without partners. Maybe you can start a new trend!

You didn't do anything stupid. Not at all! Just tell your manager that you are sorry that you weren't able to attend the event, but you just could not afford to take the extra night off. Or, just tell her that you didn't have anyone to go with you and you would have felt kinda awkward. She's human too and I'm sure she'll understand and won't judge you for that. And even if she does... so what?

Thanks for all the suggestions. It does seem like in person would be the best. I'll figure out the best way to actually be able to talk to her in person, if she isn't there late evening or early morning any shifts this week. I really appreciate it!

I wonder if someone is going to be presented with an award??? Would be rather odd to not attend.

For the future thoughts... I previously was a corporate girl. I view such "occasions" as a total nuisance. You gotta go however. The Co. feels they are showing appreciation, and, that you will be so excited and all, but yawn. To me it's just another meeting. I'd rather see appreciation as more dinero in my paycheck. Going solo is fine. After all, it's just part of your job, as I look at it, another requirement. So, don't ever think so much about these things, show up, say hi to a few important folks and a few coworkers so you'll be seen, and then leave as soon as you can.

Don't apologize for not wanting to attend social events. Some of us just don't like organized 'fun'. I don't have 'social anxiety' or whatever the latest buzzword is - it is not an illness, just a preference. I am not, nor have I ever been a party person. If the subject comes up, I make sure that people understand that it is my personal preference and is not meant to be a negative reflection on the event organizer. I also prefer not to be subjected to public 'atta girls' of any sort. I do not attend awards functions unless I (as a manager) need to present something to one of my staff. I have not attended any of my own graduation ceremonies. They can mail me the plaque or diploma. Live and let live. Kumbayah is not for me.