can't do nightshift anymore..on the verge of having nervous breakdown

1 I am a new grad and have been working on a psych unit for 4 months. I like what i have been doing and I am actually pretty good at it, but night shift is destroying me. It began insidiously. First my mood started to get a little labile (i have bipolar disorder that 'was' fairly well controlled). Then I developed a mysterious stomach condition in which I was very nauseas for the first half of my day and would sometimes vomit and i lost most of my appetite. I lost about 10 lbs in a month with this. Then i started having trouble with tachycardia.. my heart rate currently rarely falls below 90, even when resting. I have chronic insomnia and have been using ambien for a long time before this job.. but i started needing 3x the dose i was used to taking. That eventually failed too and I now take seroquel and ambien. I had lab work done and my TSH is well above normal range. I started taking Prilosec for my stomach, which mostly alleviated the problem (although ive never had an acid reflux problem in my life except if i ate greasy foods like sausage). I did manage to gain most of the weight back (im generally low in my weight range so weight loss isn't healthy). My moods became more and more labile.. until it finally broke....

i called my nurse manager today to discuss day shift options.. and well..there are none. My unit is small and already smarting from the recent loss of another psych RN. I told her that i was growing depressed and that my physical health was declining. I tried to tell her that I understood her situation and cared about the unit. She cut me off and told me that i wasn't a good fit for the unit.

now, the dilemma:
Financially, I can technically afford not to work for about 6months (although i wouldnt do it). I am very destabilized to the point of suicidal ideation (i have no plans and know better) and having rage attacks.. i sleep for 12 hours..can barely get out of bed..cant clean..my appetite is low.. and i barely have the energy to feed and bathe myself. and im on the verge of tears most of the day. My psych team tried to petition me this weekend, but i did manage to squeeze past that one. so..not very prepared to go psych nursing! My psych doc said he would sign any papers i needed to document how emotionally inept i am =P. In actuality, my nursing judgment is intact; i am very rational, even though my emotion regulation is well..broken. technically, i could go back to work...but the stress might worsen my mental state.. but i feel like ill be practically unemployable and leave a unit i care about in dire straights if i leave.. but i might have already burned that bridge anyway.

Any wisdom is much appreciated
<3 thank you
I wish I had good answers, just some hugs, NOC shift is really rough. I'll keep thinking good thoughts for ya!

Night shift is tough and I commend all those who can do it. I did night shift for 4 nights. I know not enough time to adjust, but all I would do is cry after pulling a night shift. I just couldnt do it!! I have always been a day person.I sure hope things get better for you! Sending well wishes your way!!!!

your S/I and rage attacks have me concerned....if there is no way to get on days, have you looked elsewhere to work where you can do day shift? I have never done cateye but I sure can sympathize with you...do you think that your problems are totally based on working nights or could there be some other things going on also? sometimes just working in psych can be very hard on us emotionally....I really feel that you need to take some time off and see if that doesn't help your moods...if not then please seek help....your decreased appetite, labile moods all point to MDD as you well are aware of...and sleeping so much too ...I canot give any medical advice but please seek help and take some time off now.....Many hugs to you, let us know how you are doing....don't worry about the unit !!!! we are all replaceable, it will run on without you....a psych colleague

Is it possible to work for an agency in your location?When working for an agency, then you can let them knowwhich shifts you are available for.Hope things improve for you.

I CAN RELATE!! I just quit my NIGHT SHIFT psych rn job 4 weeks ago......i had some child care issues (emergency) and couldnt' work that weekend. Long story, bad situation. I called my nurse manager and she was so nasty to me that I honestly felt threatened by her. So I quit. Didn't go back. I did go to the urgent care and got a xanax prescription - i was so upset I was SOB, racing pulse, inability to concentrate, ect. I felt like such a hypocrite working there with so many of my own problems (personal and professional), but yeah, I needed a job. I had worked there almost 2 years. i broke down and told my parents what was going on and they let me move back in with them. Maybe we help eachother, PM me if you want.

thank you all so much <3 im so glad i posted <3 Whether i leave the job and never get another night shift job ever in my life for any reason is certain. I'll work at a McDonald's before i would ever do this to myself again. Whether i wait until my job has replaced me, give my 2 weeks, or never come back is in question. I'm leaning towards 2 weeks because my new med is starting to kick in.aloevera,i appreciate your concern. I do have diagnosed bipolar disorder, which apparently should never be mixed with night shift. My doctors and my boyfriend (he is an authority on the workings of me =P) think night shift really messed me up. I cycle a bit anyway even on meds, but it is usually mild. I started geodon a few days ago (my emergency med) on top of the lamictal i usually take. Im just starting to calm down and I was able to get out of bed today after 10 hours (i hate mixed episodes). I did take a week off because i have not been safe to practice nursing. And I won't go back on thursday if I still feel so unstable. No matter what mess i get into, i can't jeopardize patients. ginger: ive actually been thinking about agency work.. It might do me good to have less working commitments. I just hope i can get psych RN work; its what i love.hope: i sent you a PM or at least attempted to =Pthanks again!

I am very destabilized to the point of suicidal ideation (i have no plans and know better) and having rage attacks.. i sleep for 12 hours..can barely get out of bed..cant clean..my appetite is low.. and i barely have the energy to feed and bathe myself. and im on the verge of tears most of the day.

I would look into making somesort of disability claim. When I do night shift I to start having mental health issues. Right now I have been totally out of nursing for over a year. So happy to look in the mirror and see my usual good natured, sane self. You are not alone, I feel for you.

Hi, Inthesky,First of all, even if you quit, you might be able to get unemployment, due to health problems and poor fit. I left my first job after 4 months, because the hiring manager said I would work days and PMs, and put me on nights. I, too, cannot do nights. I didn't have any trouble finding another job.Correct me if I'm wrong, but I think there is a need for psych RNs. Anyway, good luck to you.Oldiebutgoodie

I have a diagnosis of rapid cycling bipolar disorder. My first year out of night school, I worked straight nights. I didn't think it would be any big deal; I had worked rotating shifts off and on for 10 years prior to returning to school.Boy was I wrong!! Sustained night shift and my brain DO NOT mix!! I ended up hospitalized for SI twice that year. I didn't realize what an impact it was having until I switched to days. Since then, I have made it very clear to my DON I will not work another night shift. She has even commented on my being a totally different person than the one she had to counsel multiple times that first year. Now I work 11a-11p which actually seems best for my brain. I have not thought about killing myself in almost 3 years which is totally unheard of for me. You absolutely have to do what is best for you. And no matter how stable you think you are as a nurse, you're not. If you are depressed and having SI, then you are not the best nurse you can be. There is too much going on upstairs for you to be doing your best work. So for both your's and the pts' sakes, try to find a way to get on days.

appreciate all of the shared thoughts. not much to add except that i am neither bi-polar nor depressed, but nites still almost killed me. i still have [literal] nightmares about being on nights!similar concerns-nausea, fatigue, anxiety attacks, crying spells, memory problems--and all i ever did on nights off was sleep (day and night)!some bodies and minds are not suited for night shift. i'm just glad you are taking care of you!(()) hugs!

Have you tried getting a letter from your treating psychiatrist or other MD for your job stating that for health reasons you cannot work nights? You seem to have pretty serious reasons for not being able to do it. Maybe the facility will have to place you in another job if you have an MD's statement.