A no good very bad day: a vent a rant a plea for laughter.

18 Gosh, I don't even know where to start.

Shall I start at this morning when I was running late because my sweet pup, Kid, decided to turn into a goat and eat half a berm of grass before puking on my ornate rug? I suppose that's just as good a spot as any.

But you know, the day wasn't all bad--at least not to begin with, in spite of my lack of hair conditioner or only one and a half armpits of anti-perspirant coverage.

But I find myself in a strange mindset--I'm defeated.

I just....sometimes I just don't know anymore.

It wasn't enough today, you know? Everything there was to give, just wasn't enough.

Crash over emergent heart--dissected like hell during cannulation. Died on the table. No amount of blood product made so much as a dent. We worked so hard--I can't even put to words what the room was like--blood all over the floor, all over me, anesthesia--looked like a slaughter house--felt like a slaughter house. How hot the room was--so unbearably hot-- in order to help with clotting, bleeding, survival. I slipped on plege, tripped over the bypass tubing. Broke my left foot. Patient still died.

Wrapped up my work day by picking bird-shot out of a child's abdomen. She was down for so long...too long. We coded her for over an hour. I, personally, broke at least three of her ribs. Over sixty units of blood product later, she made it--to what end....I don't know.

These are the type of days we all dread. This is where some part of me knows it will pass.

But I'm wounded. Exhausted. Hurting.

And ultimately, I just don't know anymore.
Prayers and hugs to you. What a horrible day you have had to endure! We sure picked an interesting profession, didn't we? Just know that you and the teams you were working with did the best work possible. Get some rest (and maybe some wine) and hopefully you will feel better soon.

((CP)) Hopefully you will have an equally GOOD day soon. Those are the ones that keep us going. Just know that a "victory" or two are coming your way soon.

I have no words.(((((CP)))))

Over sixty units of blood product later, she made it--to what end....I don't know.

Well. Eff.Days like that I think "I hate my job," ...like when the 25-weeker dies in his mother's arms, to the sound of her bewildered "Why?!" ... and when the drop in fetal heart tones ends up "for real" with a previously heathy term pregnancy resulting in a live baby who will be profoundly retarded, unable to walk, talk or care for herself....BUT there are usually a LOT more days that I know I've made a difference...times when I get the IV to correct hypoglycemia, times when I push for antibiotics NOW & guess what: the kid WAS septic, and days that I put a baby in a mother's, father's, grandparent's arms and say: "She's so cute. Congratulations!"And even when the baby/patient dies, I usually know that I did something to make it a little easier for the patient and/or the family: maybe morphine, maybe FFP/cryo/Plt, maybe a warm blanket, maybe an "I'm SO sorry," maybe chest compressions, maybe epi, maybe a gentle hand, or maybe a wish for peace.I hope your next day is better. The work we do is invaluable...and is sometimes the worst work on earth.

Wow. Just Wow.You and the members of your team are true bravehearts. It tells me a huge amount about the content of your character. You are honorable.Would want you in my corner any day of the week.I am a believer in the soul's journey is pre-destined. Sometimes, the journey ends with you.You did everything you could, and more than a number would.Now, take some time for you and stay OFF the broken foot.It gives me comfort to know that there are teams of people in this world who want nothing more than for someone to live.Sometimes, whatever powers that be have other plans.Thank you for what you do every day.Godspeed and angel wings.

Trauma/emergency medicine/critical care is like that....some days you just hit that wall . It all seems like such an effort in futility.But there is so much good in what we do...... I have felt your pain....but remember that...."After all tomorrow is another day". Now go home and get some sleep....you've had a long call.

So sorry for this horrid day you had. Hope tomorrow is a better day... I don't really know what else to say. In the meantime, HUGS to you!

Well , as a non-hospital nurse who would be so grateful to have someone like you caring for my family members all I can say is a huge Thank You for what you do and hope you will get back up and do it all again.

Thanks for all you do. You are special

Your day could be made into a television episode of .... well, a medical show of some sort. Crazy. Maybe the next day you're having a bad day that isn't as bad, remembering the dog puke/broken foot/endless blood day may make you feel a bit better.

It is hard isn't? Watching all these people suffer and die. They talk about PTSD for military personnel, police etc., but I think they have forgotten about Dr's. and Nurses. I've seen and heard other nurses talk about experiences just like the 1 you described. Sometimes I wonder if the reward I get from being a nurse outweighs the bad. But I know at the end of the day, if it were my family member laying there or myself, I would want the nurse that cares too much. Like it or not, somebody has to do the job. You did your best, and I'm sure the Pt's. and their families would thank you for that. Just the fact that you care enough that it bothers you still, is enough to tell me what kind of nurse you are. Chin up! You did good!