"And what would you like me to do about it?"

5 Tell me about the calls that have pulled you away from helping other patients for a ridiculous or bizarre request/reason.

By far my most interesting was a patient who called demanding to see his nurse urgently, he was young, in his thirties and a walkie-talkie, so fearing the worse immediately dropped what I was doing to go see him. I get to his room only to find him kneeling on the couch staring out the window.

"You needed me?" I inquire perplexed.
"There's a bat outside my room".

I to this day do not know what he expected me to do about it. Out of curiosity I did go look and sure enough there was a mexican free tailed bat outside his window flying around. I identified it for him, to which he looked shocked, and left him gazing out the window. When I came back later it was all he wanted to talk about.
i get sooooooo annoyed when they are yelling out "Nurrrrrseeeeeeeee"...only to find out they want footies.

I'm just impressed you knew the species of bat and all. See, I would have gotten written up if I were in your shoes. I'd have messed with the guy:"Sir, that bat is the rare Japanese exploding bat. They defend themselves by inhaleing air until they explode all over the place, sortta like a blowfish that doesn't know when to say when. If you make eye contact with it at any time, it will do this. The excretions when they explode are toxic, deadly toxic. We may have to evacuate the hospital if it does explode. So please, DO NOT MAKE EYE CONTACT WITH THE BAT."

Quote from eriksolnI'm just impressed you knew the species of bat and all. See, I would have gotten written up if I were in your shoes. I'd have messed with the guy:"Sir, that bat is the rare Japanese exploding bat. They defend themselves by inhaleing air until they explode all over the place, sortta like a blowfish that doesn't know when to say when. If you make eye contact with it at any time, it will do this. The excretions when they explode are toxic, deadly toxic. We may have to evacuate the hospital if it does explode. So please, DO NOT MAKE EYE CONTACT WITH THE BAT."

[quote=eriksoln;4420360]I'm just impressed you knew the species of bat and all. quote]Me, too!

Quote from eriksolnI'm just impressed you knew the species of bat and all. See, I would have gotten written up if I were in your shoes. I'd have messed with the guy:"Sir, that bat is the rare Japanese exploding bat. They defend themselves by inhaleing air until they explode all over the place, sortta like a blowfish that doesn't know when to say when. If you make eye contact with it at any time, it will do this. The excretions when they explode are toxic, deadly toxic. We may have to evacuate the hospital if it does explode. So please, DO NOT MAKE EYE CONTACT WITH THE BAT."

If he's a fresh CABG and he sneezed and he's due for percocet, I sympathize. No way to get that splint up against the sternum in time to catch a sneeze!I always seem to get the pts who want their BM carefully studied. I oughtta tell 'em I only read Tarot cards and chicken entrails.

Quote from anonymurseIf he's a fresh CABG and he sneezed and he's due for percocet, I sympathize. No way to get that splint up against the sternum in time to catch a sneeze!I always seem to get the pts who want their BM carefully studied. I oughtta tell 'em I only read Tarot cards and chicken entrails.

Quote from cnl2b i had an outpatient once when i was working at an endoscopy center that came in for a colonoscopy. apparently he had s@#t himself when he was doing his bowel prep. he flattened out his feces soaked underwear and put it in a gallon sized ziploc and brought it in for me to examine. "i had a lot of diarrhea last night...." um, yeah. you did. you were supposed to...but i really didn't need to see it, thanks.you can't make this stuff up. isn't it sad?

[quote=Hospice Nurse LPN;4420437]Quote from eriksolnI'm just impressed you knew the species of bat and all. quote]Me, too!

A resident's son came in to visit his mother. During the 4 pm med pass, he came up to the cart, demanding to know where his mother's hearing aids were. I looked in the case that her hearing aids are stored when not in use, and to my dismay they were not there. When I went into his mother's room to look for them, there they were, right where they were supposed to be...in her ears!! She had turned them off, and because she was not responding to the idle chit chat of her son, he assumed she did not have them in. He is always looking to blame the staff for one thing or another. I wanted to say to him, "There is a crow on the branch of the tree right outside your mother's window. How would you like that cooked..baked, broiled, or fried?" Since that incident, there has been a temporary "cease fire" re: complaints!

Had a daughter of a confused resident come to the desk screaming that "I brought mom TWO candy bars last night and they are GONE! Someone took my mothers candy bars!" I asked her "Did you look for them? Because this broad is notorious for that-she'll freak out about missing crap without even opening the drawers and pretending to look. She continued to freak-" That's YOUR job" as she followed me to her mothers room.There sat her mother with chocolate on her fingers and two candy bar wrappers on the floor at her feet...

@eriksolnThat totally sounds like me. One day when I am an RN I know that there will be a few instances where I do something like that. You seriously gave me the lulz. I will never forget that