Nurses and your significant others

You know how they say nurses (actually healthcare workers in general) are among the highest risk of being depressed. The people I care for are sick, depressed, angry, and I get a lot of negative emotion at work. When I came home, my boyfriend asked me how my day went, I would tell him about how tired and depressed I feel. Then he told me not to bring any negative emotion home. He is a really sensitive guy and get affected by my emotion easily. But what can I do? I can put up a smiley face at work, but when I get home I want to just take off that mask and be myself. We've been dating for almost two years. He also has an older sister who is a nurse. He used to live with her before we started dating, and he didn't like it. I am wondering if he is going to think I am a bad person for not making home a nice happy place. I can't be wearing my happy face all the time. What can I do?
I have that same problem... My Husband gets mad when I come home grumpy from work and I take it out on him. What i try to do it go straight to the shower and meditate, relax and try to think good things before I try and talk to him. Its really tough. If that doesn't work you should try going into a more happier field like OB, it not all fun and games but most of the time its a more happy place. At least that is what I want to do but haven't gotten that oppurtunity. good luck!

I wasn't even yelling at him. I just asked him if I could sleep alone tonight because I think a good night sleep would at least put me in a better mood. He took everything I say so personally. I just wish he would understand and just listen. I don't expect him to do anything or give me therapy, but just listen. Is that too much to ask?

I just asked him if I could sleep alone

Quote from kesrYIKES - talk about total rejection from a partner's perspective! One more thing to consider - maybe he isn't mature enough to be a good life partner.. just sayin"... life ain't always a bed of roses.

I challenge the assertion re: prevalence of depression among nurses. What studies is the OP referring to? Learning to compartmentalize is an essential survival skill for any health care provider. If a person cannot 'leave work at work', he/she will not be able to have any meaningful work-life balance. If nothing else, when you're driving home from work take the time to reflect on your own life and remember how fortunate you are not to be experiencing the illness, sadness, tragedy, etc. that our patients are having to cope with. Treasure your relationships with family and SO's - invest at least as much time in them as you do at work. Jobs come and go, family is forever.

He works from home

try to find someone else to vent to and I also agree with the rule of rehashing in the car and stopping by the time you are in the driveway. my bf is a nurse so he doesnt like hearing stuff either. now I dont rehash with anyone and I actually feel better that way because once Im done with work, Im leaving it all there.

Quote from souraprilYou know how they say nurses (actually healthcare workers in general) are among the highest risk of being depressed.

Don't use your significant other as an emotional tampon, been there... It is fine to share and seek his support, but if that's all you do most men can't handle that. Make an effort to come home with a smile at least sometimes. Find a combo of other support and ways to feel better. Working out, yoga, hiking, knitting club, whatever. Best of luck!

Quote from souraprilThen he told me not to bring any negative emotion home. He is a really sensitive guy and get affected by my emotion easily. But what can I do? I can put up a smiley face at work, but when I get home I want to just take off that mask and be myself.

My husband is not a good sounding board for when I've had a bad day/week/month at work. He just doesn't get what we go through on a daily basis. He feels that because he works as an oil technician in people's homes that he understands what it's like to deal with the public.I've tried telling him that healthy people in their own home and sick people in a strange environment are two totally different beasts to contend with. I've since stopped telling him a lot of things and instead vent to my RN friends, who vent to me instead of their SO's...Come here and vent away, and to heck with any of the naysayers, non-RNs, RN students who will tell you to slap a smile on and be nice!

This will continue to happen as long as there are nurses like you and I. Nurses that can't leave work related issues at work(just like some can't leave home related issues at home) we take things home with us. It does not get any better I did the venting for 15 years and my husband finally said quit. This was hurting me phisically and mentally. It was affecting him as well because he wanted to help so much but couldn't. I till this day believe that nursing is not for everyone. It takes some of us a little longer to figure this out. I was friends with nurses that put everything that happen to them aside and were able to continue to do nursing as though nothing had happened. Some nurses can deal with whatever comes their way and have learned to accept whatever they see wrong to be right. Frankly some have no choice they are the bread winners for their family and have chosen this field for better or worse. I have quit and I'm doing something else other than nursing. My health depended on it and no not every field is as stressfull as nursing. Some nurses are in a fight in my state to be able to retire if possible at 50. The so call shortage may make this a bit difficult. The sick want to get better and the residents need special care there is just time to do the work you have been trained to do and to do it in the best way possible. To administration it is a bussiness and it most be run well. If this can't be accomplish no one wants to hear that. The administration will tell you this is why there are so many fields out there choose the one you are able to be comfortable with. They are right. We cannot help others until we help ourselves(seek the help of any assistance you can get from the facility to help with your problem perhaps write letters to those that you feel are responsible use up facility resourses that help with employees concerns. This may help but then again may not. When we are at work we hear many nurses say I work my hours and don't take this home with me. The problem is that most of us do. Those that don't God bless them they dont know how lucky they are and how lucky their patients and residents are.They are in a field that was created for them. Nursing is hard those that stand the test survive and retire in the field. No one loves a quitter yet at times quitting is not an option but a need. My husband was and is a good listerner and has been for over 30 years and I learned to listen when he said QUIT. Allnurses.com gives us nurses a chance to answer to one another. Although we may not always agree one thing is for sure most of us can relate to each others problems one way or the other.