Nurses Say the Darnedest Things!

Oh, yeah, the written report is so much better:Today I got : 83 y/o HM s/p lap choley, w/hx CHF,DMII, COPD, O2 dep, old CVA w/r-sided hemi. ESRD w/HD m-W-F. Orders for PT/OT/ST (BSE?) inc B &B, foley, PICC for Vanco q 12 RUE, drsg CDI, STII coccyx. A &O x1 (person) MMSE=13, SDAT, FC (that's right, full code!) Rehab potential-fair.

Egads...........:icon_roll

You really should be writing for 'Nursing Jocularity" and if there isn't one, you should start one. You are hilarious. My funny bone was broken, til I read your writings. Thanks.

I am in Nursing school and I was lmao. I haven't been around hospitals that long to hear the lingo, but it is hilarious!!

Thanks for the belly laugh! When my friends from LPN school & I get together for coffee & we start talking about work, I've noticed some strange looks from people at other tables. Guess I know why now, lol!

my wife's first experience of my co-workers and i talking "shop" was over dinner. the conversion topic? placing caths into the guy vs into a gal, first experiences, then went onto iv placement issues. she could not finish dinner nor will she have a meal with us again.

My husband tells me I speak a totally different language. My friends have no idea what I am talking about when I talk about work. I often get reminded by my husband to watch what I am talking about when others are eating.

People do get offended when referred to as SOB. Two of the cutest patient word mixups I've heard were "I take Digoxin and Latex" and "I had to have a barbarian enema".As for amusing charting, I can still remember a LPN charting "Patient puked. Emesis had odor of rotten fish heads." I've never personally smelled a rotten fish head and I really don't want to. An RN I worked with eons ago used to write every detail and a lot of direct quotes. "Patient ate 12 peas,5 pieces of carrot, 3 lima beans." " Patient expelled flatus and said "Hear ye! Hear ye!"Have you ever read those real charting quotes, like "Vaginal packing out. Dr. Jones in." There are tons of them.

Oh Marla ... this was just the medicine (laugh) I needed this morning! THANK YOU!We often used to laugh at the language used - (no, not foul!) - amongst ourselves during the meal breaks at work. There we were, eating our meal, and discussing bodily fluids, wounds, etc, as if it were the latest book we were reading or recent film we'd seen. Only nurses could do this I'm sure! Thanks for the laugh and the memories. Guess I'll have to add those discussions to the list of the things I miss in retirement! LOL

A few weeks ago one of the CNAs I work with wasn't looking or feeling good. She asked me to take her blood pressure. Another nurse walked by and asked if everything was okay. I told her that the aide was diaphoretic and tachy. The aide got upset and said "hey, these are new scrubs and a matching set!" I had to laugh. I forget when we're doing report that a lot of times the aides have no idea what we're talking about. I'm happy to explain, but sometimes forget until afterwards. We had a resident back from the hospital last week and one of the aides was concerned about the scabs on her stomach. Another nurse explained that she'd had a lap choleocystectomy. When the cna asked what that was, I explained it just meant her gallbladder had been removed. To which she replied, "well why couldn't you just say that. Why don't nurses speak English?"Love it.

When I was doing my diploma in Midwifery at Pumwani Mat Hosp,Nairobi,Kenya,we used public transport to town so often.On the day we did our Vaginal examination practical assessment,one of us said,'Whern I entered,the vagina,it was so hot!!!!!!!!!!!!!We only realised it was bad when the other passengers started talking about us harshly....that we had loose morals.The other one..the patient based(meaning he died).What is his APGAR score??-for someone who performs below average expectation.Did you 3333?(3333 is our code blue number for activating EMS).I am NBM with my hubby;my mother in law is a clot.....sounds familiar???This is very interesting,I have had a very good laugh

Did you ever get the really blank huh look when you nursespeak? It sounds so natural to us, but I have gotten the dumbest looks from people when I talk what seems so natural to me. It must sound like some kind of foreign language to them. My caregiver gave me her MRI results papers this morning to decipher for her. When I put what I read in plain language, She got exasperated, and said she never received an explanation like that from the medical pro. I told her to not feel bad. It happens with everyone. Now I understand why she seemed so dumb to me. It's a medical condition she has. Poor lady.