Funny things lay-people say...

24 I was walking through the hallway today and a family member of one of our patient's was talking on their cellphone-- apparently giving an update to someone about the patient. This is what I hear: "Well, no, he's not very awake today. I think they seduced him while they did a procedure."

If I had milk in my mouth at the time, it would have come out my nose!!!

We do a lot of things in the ICU, but seducing is not one of them!


OK, now it's your turn! What crazy things have you heard?
1. "Yeah, they say I've got THE fibromyalgia." why is it THE fibromyalgia, I don't know why but it drives me crazy.2. "Oh honey I've had sugar for about 20 years." In reference to Diabetes of course.3. When asking about the colonoscopy prep "So, like when I get that enema tomorrow will it like turn me gay?" Yes, sir I'm afraid so... 4. A family member asked in regards to her loved one's CABG in the AM "They ain't gonna take his heart out or anything are they?" :smackingf Yes ma'am I'm collectin' my Jar of Hearts.

Oh and don't be seducing anymore patients EMSnut, some consider that unethical!

during an exam in the ED when I was chaperoning the doc examining the young woman. Her SO: "She wasn't arousable so I called the ambulance". We guessed he meant rousable, and managed to remain professional.

Quote from TheMoonisMyLanternOh and don't be seducing anymore patients EMSnut, some consider that unethical!

Daughter : "Did you give my dad something to make him poop?"Me: "No I didn't, he went without me giving him anyting." "He has gone at least 2 other times today."Daughter: "I didn't know you could poop if you wern't totally conscious."Me: "You sure can."An earlier conversation with daughter and pt wifeDaughter: "What is wrong with dad's bed? Why is it shaking like that?"Me: "We have your dad on a bed to assist with Chest PT so we can help mobilize the secretions in his lungs."Daughter: "Oh my I have never ever seen this before. I had no idea beds were around that did those things."These people have apparently never visited much in a hospital. They are really nice people, but I wasn't prepared for them to freak out with the chest PT going.

great thread!!... cant wait to hear more & hopefully remember some myself!

My husband had prostrate cancer

My grandmother, bless her heart, has the worst time pronouncing medical conditions. She would always say to me, "Make sure you get the kids checked out, 'cause you know your cousin had that scrolliosis." Also, after my aunt had surgery I was informed that her condition worsened because she had "fleshy-itis" in her stomach. The silly things people say, right?

While talking to an elderly woman about admitting her husband, w/ e.s. Alzheimers, to hospice:Me: So, how long ago was your husband diagnosed w/ Alzheimers?Her: Oh, he caught the "old timers" about 10 years ago.

My favorite is when people self-diagnose themselves by looking online. "Well I was feeling fatigued & nauseous, so I looked it up and found out I probably have: _______."

I overheard the mother of a preterm newborn ask if the baby was ever going to be full-term...

doing a patients admission once, she was one patient we had seen before on our unit. Patient: Last time i came i couldn't remember what medications i was on there are so many so i just brought them with me.Me: That's great. Can i see them so we can go over them together?Patient: Oh sure dear. they are in my bag, if you would get them for me.I go get them...and pull out a few bottles we go over, so open one of the bottles that looked a little odd to me because there were a bunch of pills that did not match. Some small, some large, some enteric coated, some cut in half, some white, some green etc.Me: "These pills are not labeled. what do you take these for?Patient: "Oh those are my leftover antibiotics throughout the years. i take a couple when i'm not feeling good" oh boy...