I want to keep nursing but feel so stressed.

I have been an LPN for 18 1/2 years. I have also had a problem with extreme shyness and anxiety. I had 3 jobs in my first 3 years of nursing and then I took a job in a psychiatric hospital lasting 12 years. After that I was feeling a little burnt out and wanting a change. My husband wanted me home with the kids and it seemed like a good idea at the time. So I did not work for 2 years. Our financial situation changed and I went back to work. I discovered how much I'd missed patient care. But I also discovered that I had much more anxiety working now than I had before. I have had 5 jobs this year, none lasting more than 3 months. The first lasted 3 months, their med room was unorganized, they ran short on meds and borrowed from other patients (including narcotics). After returning from days off, I learned in report that a resident had been without a med for 5 days. It was a psych. med and his behavior had been significantly affected by the missed doses. Add to that 5 incident reports in one day and the DON had walked out (everyone had assumed she quit). My shift had not even began and I was shaking and in tears. I told the ADON that this would be my last shift. She talked me out of quitting for the time being. I ended up quitting 3 weeks later. I found a new job a month later. It was afternoon shift so my child went to daycare after school and my husband would pick him upfrom daycare when he finished work. Well in the 3 weeks that I worked, daycare forgot to pick my child up after school 3 times. After the 3rd time, my husband was livid, and demanded I quit right then. So I did, with no notice. I then found a job that I loved. The work load was heavier than any of my previous jobs but my anxiety was at a comfortable level which I believe was due to the staff that I worked with. My aides truly cared about the job they were doing. And I had a DON and fellow LPNs that I could actually turn to for help when I needed it. But the job was too far from home(1 1/2 hours one way) and working nights I would often catch myself falling asleep on the drive home. Not to mention the miles I put on the vehicle. After a month I found a job close to home and higher pay but I knew after a week, I couldnt do it, and my other job was asking me to reconsider my resignation. So I quit the new job and kept the far away job. I stayed 2 more months but the long drive and working nights was catching up with me. I was so exhausted that I got nothing done on my days off. My house was a mess and I had no clue what my kids were doing. My husband was unhappy with all the extra slack he was having to pick up due to me working all the time. I found another job close to home. The pay was not so great but it was closer and the shifts were shorter. I was hired as part time but it was actually full time. I had to do a procedure with a patient that I had not done since nursing school (almost 20 years ago) and was nervous about it. When I tried to talk to my relief nurse about it, she acted like I was stupid. I had worked a few nights and then they pulled me to another shift. I did have orientation for the new shift but I still did not know any of the patients (I had only learned a few on the night shift as most were sleeping). The nurse I oriented with expected me to do the shift pretty much alone (even though I didnt know most of the patients) while she caught up on paperwork. Then the first time I worked this shift alone, I had orders to note, then a medical emergency, I became behind in my treatments, I coudnt find an aide when I needed one, and I had no clue if all bathes were done. I felt like I had no cooperation from the aides at all. Once I got home I worried all night about if or what I had missed. I couldnt sleep for all of my stress. I had a headache from all the crying and was sick to my stomach. So I called before my next shift and quit. This was the third time I had quit with no notice. My boss called me 2 days later and left messages but I never returned her call. So now I am unemployed and I have burned another bridge. I have been a nurse long enough to know what the job entails. But anytime there is a bump in the road, I have that dizzy, sick to my stomach feeling and sometimes it is just to overwhelming. I am usually able to keep it together while I am at work. But when I get home I fall apart. And then my husband pressures me to quit. I wish I had never quit the psych hospital. I really did love it but I was tired of the politics and I had the opportunity for the first time in my life to be home with my children. My job choices are limited because of the rural area we live in. As crazy as it sounds, I want to go back to school for RN. My husband doesnt want me to work. He also doesn't believe nursing suits me because of my shyness and going back to school would be a waste of time. I honestly have a love-hate relationship with nursing. I think that if I wasn't so quick to quit, that I would have eventually become comfortable somewhere.I am embarassed and ashamed when people ask about my job to have to say that I quit again. I am just seeking others opinions about this.
omg...paragraphs please! I want to keep reading but cannot get past "shyness and anxiety."

Quote from Asystole RNomg...paragraphs please! I want to keep reading but cannot get past "shyness and anxiety."

I in no way understand all of what you are going through but as a student I do understand the environmental and emotional stressors can affect you on top of what you hae to deal with as a nurse...On that note I am replying because I have something posotive to say... Perhaps others should reply for the same reason or not at all...Anyways, I suggest you go into home care... You have lots of years under your belt, the patient load is minimal and although there may be more paperwork than you are used to, it may not seem like a burden because you control how many patients you want to have. You won't have people down your neck all the time. (sometime the pts family can get a like that a little, but you will get used to them and they will get used to you and ususally they trust the person that is caring for thier family member). Try agencies or become a medicaid provider... With medicaid your pay is tad bit higher I believe, but I'm not sure if there's problems with them paying on time... I think I heard that, but you can find that out... You have anxiety and it seems like the stress you deal with at work triggers it very often. There are lots of specialties to dabble in when doing home care nursing. If you don't want to spend all day with one pt. you can do like my mom. She has about 6 pts right now that she just goes to give meds to and chek up on certain things like wound care, tubing, etc... She is an LPN as well. She also has a medicaid pt in her home and she is under a provider who medicaid pays through. She has a small staff so that she can still have a little bit of a life. My point is, don't get dicouraged, there's lots of ways your stress can be reduced and you can keep on being a nurse. I truly hope this helps and if all else fails, get into something that will truly make you happy.Good luck on your progression and an anxiety free (or low) life

Also, to me it seems that your husband is one of your stressors. You sound like you love nursing. You just haven't found your niche. Your husbands demand are justifiable, but you have to let him know what it is that you want to do and that he needs to be supportive of it no matter what. Believe me when you find some area of nursing that is not much of a trigger to your stress and anxiety you will be able to function in all areas of your life. This will include housework, childcare, and most importantly being happy with and about yourself and your accomplishments. My suggestion for switching to home care is just one, but there are many areas of nursing that provide minimal stress, just look into them. Use Google and just type in anything and put nursing after it and you will be surprised what comes up.

i'll second the paragraphs comment -- it just makes things easier to read.but on to the part that i hope is actually helpful. it sounds as if there are quite a few things going on here:anxiety, shyness and stress -- could it be depression? have you talked it over with your physician? perhaps anti-depressants are part of the solution. i know they've done wonders for many people i know.your husband doesn't sound particularly understanding or supportive. are you having problems there? would talking it over with your pastor or a counselor help to clarify things?and then there's the quitting without notice. you already know what a bad idea that is . . . so why keep doing it? if you don't want to have a job at all -- and that may really be what this is all about -- figure it out. think about whether you can afford not to work, would your husband be supportive if you were home all the time, could you face the cutbacks you'd have to make in your life style? figure out what you want first, then talk it over with your husband. if he wants you to work, then he needs to be supportive of that, whatever that means to you. if the outcome of the soul searching and the talks with your husband is that you want or need to have a job outside the home, then pick one and stick with it. stay for a year or two, even if you don't like it. no one likes their job all the time, many of us don't like it even some of the time but stay because we need to pay the mortgage and the electric bill. choose a place with a decent orientation if you can -- with your job hopping history you may be lucky to find another job at all. if you want or need to work, you're going to have to build up a history of sticking with it. manage your stress. do what it takes to take care of yourself. healthy diet, exercise, hobbies and friends -- whatever it takes. if you need to see a counselor to manage your stress, do that. many counselors have sliding scale fees based on income. i've gone to catholic family services when i needed counseling but had no money to pay for it. there is probably something available in your area. right now it seems as if you're just a big ball of stress and misery . . . you can't handle everything at once. pick a problem and start working on that, then work on another too . . . each problem that you work out gives you more power to work on another one. let us know how you're doing.

It sounds like you are not able to juggle the stresses of nursing. That is perfectly OK! Realize that, find a field that does not stress you out.Life is too short to be under the stress you described.

Oh, Ruby, you always know just what to say. OP take her advice.

Don't want to start a debate but, I don't think her problem is depression, at least not depression alone. mamalovespapa correct me if im wrong. There are many differences between anxiety and depression. I do agree with her talking to a counselor, pastor and her husband directly and also soul searching because she needs to be able to identify the stressors in her life, learn to deal with them by changing the maladaptive thoughts and behaviors that occur when they show their faces. Anxiety is serious and can be crippling to those who suffer with it. This is why she has been job hopping. Which is why I suggested she find an area in nursing that provides minimal stress - and yes those kinds of nursing jobs DO exist. She may not want to quit at all, but the physical, emotionl, and mental volcanos that erupt within her due to high levels of anxiety force her to do so. Because of this cylcle of getting a job getting stressed at work, forgetting to do things, husband being unsupportive, depression could eventually be another factor. I just hope that you do find something that you enjoy. I am not one for throwing meds at people before getting down to the cause. Don't get me wrong, think that there are times when they are needed, but learning to change the way we think and respond to situations should be the first goal because the moment you stop meds those thought and behaviors return, sometimes worse than before.

Quote from sweetpeidon't want to start a debate but, i don't think her problem is depression, at least not depression alone. mamalovespapa correct me if im wrong. there are many differences between anxiety and depression. i do agree with her talking to a counselor, pastor and her husband directly and also soul searching because she needs to be able to identify the stressors in her life, learn to deal with them by changing the maladaptive thoughts and behaviors that occur when they show their faces. anxiety is serious and can be crippling to those who suffer with it. this is why she has been job hopping. which is why i suggested she find an area in nursing that provides minimal stress - and yes those kinds of nursing jobs do exist. she may not want to quit at all, but the physical, emotionl, and mental volcanos that erupt within her due to high levels of anxiety force her to do so. because of this cylcle of getting a job getting stressed at work, forgetting to do things, husband being unsupportive, depression could eventually be another factor. i just hope that you do find something that you enjoy. i am not one for throwing meds at people before getting down to the cause. don't get me wrong, think that there are times when they are needed, but learning to change the way we think and respond to situations should be the first goal because the moment you stop meds those thought and behaviors return, sometimes worse than before.

Quote from ruby veedon't worry -- i'm not about to debate about whether or not the issues described could be depression. that isn't my area of nursing expertise although i've had some personal experience with depressed family members, which is what made me wonder if it could be an aspect. nor am i about to start a debate on which areas of nursing are most or least stressful. just wanted to point out that not all stressors are the same. different things are stressful to different people. home health care would be one of my stress triggers -- i get anxious just thinking about going into someone's home to take care of them with no back-up. just going into someone else's home is stressful, even if we're friends. unless we're very close friends.

I have struggled with social anxiety all of my life. I think now it is worse because I didn't work for two years so I was able to avoid any situation that was potentially stressful. New jobs are always stressful but even more so when you are as shy as I am. I had the same job for 12 years and was very comfortable in it. Since returning to nursing, I have not stayed anywhere long enough really to get comfortable. I was just getting comfortable in one job when I needed to quit (after just 3 months) because of the distance. I put 2500 miles on my car in just three weeks. I was working 12 hour nightshifts, sometimes longer and then driving 3 hours total there and back. So I was putting in a total of 15-18 hours which left no time for cleaning my house or much time to spend with my family on the days that I worked. When I got home, everyone was leaving for work or school. I would sleep, wake to shower, and then it was time to go to work. I dont think I said I was forgetting to do things. I would just continually worry that I might have missed something. I can check, double check, and triple check the charts, the MARs, and the treatments. Still I will worry that there is something I missed.

It sounds like you're really stressed and that you may have some anxiety issues or depression (see a doc..don't just care for patients and not yourself). Perhaps you should try some relaxation techniques like deep breathing or progressive muscle relaxation. It also sounds like your husband is one of your stressors....some marital counseling couldn't hurt either. It seems like he expects you to simply stay at home, take care of the kids, and give up your dreams in the process. He should be encouraging and supporting you instead. What happened to compromise in a marriage. My mom held down a full-time job while raising my siblings and myself with no problem...perhaps you also need to find a different daycare center. I live in the big city..so I don't know how rural areas are..but maybe you can find a job that also offers child care. Maybe even consider home health nursing for an agency. You could go on home health visits or sit with the patient for 8hrs or more. I know some nurses that do home health and they love it. They start at 9am, are done by 3pm, and can go pick up their kids from day care when they're done. Best of luck to you hon. I really hope you and your husband communicate openly about this situation b/c you don't want to give up your dreams only to resent him for it later (seriously think about that). And as far as your RN, go for it! Then you'll have even more options open to you where you can work per-diem at an acute care facility and still be able to take care of your children.